Husbands, Love Your Wives (Part 2)

“…I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.”¹

A husband cannot give his wife security if his focus is not on pleasing the Father in his life. A husband must be a type of Christ to his wife:

1. Christ is our Intercessor/husband is wife's Peacemaker
2. Christ is our Advocate/husband is wife's Supporter
3. Christ is our Substitution/husband is wife's Cover
4. Christ is our Resurrection/husband is wife's Renewal

These four undertakings all maintain balance in the spirit, soul, and body of a wife. When a wife is secure, she is free to trust her husband in all things; she knows by the life he lives that he is pleasing the Father and consequently loving her. A husband intent on pleasing the Father surrounds his wife with a life that is spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically balanced and secure. She freely releases her trust to a husband that is the head of her life; she understands the futility of trying to exist without him. Just as we cannot breathe without air, a wife cannot function in a marriage without being secure.

A wife needs to be valued:

What is value?

To acknowledge that someone has worth, importance, and significance. To be valued is to be prized above all else, it is cherishing someone for who they are. To value one’s wife is to treasure the life she lives.

The bible reveals that we were redeemed, purchased, or bought through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. Salvation did not come cheaply; while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8, NASB). Ask any woman how she feels about Jesus Christ and you will be hard pressed to find one who disparages His name. What would any woman do with a true understanding of Jesus Christ? A woman who has a relationship with Christ will freely acknowledge her love and desire to please the Lord. This is because she knows Christ died for her. That’s being valued! That woman understands the depth of value Christ has placed on her life. A wife needs to know that in her husband’s eyes, she is a precious and priceless gift from God. A wife must be valued to the extent that her husband has freely chosen to lay down his life for her. His life of selfish personal agendas has been nailed on the cross and crucified for her.

Something which has left me with a lingering question is what was Adam's mindset in the garden? Adam fully understood God's command not to eat from the tree (Genesis 2:16, NASB), and yet he was faced with a dilemma. Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and in that moment, she died. She gave the fruit to Adam (Genesis 3:6, NASB), and he chose to eat; Adam was not deceived (1 Timothy 2:14, NASB) Adam chose disobedience and death (Romans 5:12, NASB) with Eve rather than life without her. It's an ironic perversion of the sacrificial death, because Adam's decision to die was a death that leads to death. The sacrificial death of Christ is a death that leads to life. Two men (Adam and Christ) both chose to die, and yet only one death accomplished its purpose: to usher in new life for the bride. Now we see that husbands are called to die a sacrificial death that leads to life for his bride.

What would any wife be willing to do for a husband like that?

That wife would freely acknowledge her love and desire to please her husband. This is because his life demonstrates that he has chosen to die for her; to freely give up his old life for the precious gift she is. When a husband gives up his life for his wife, he places a value on her that is priceless. When a wife is valued beyond cost, she willingly commits herself to be the subject of her husband; she wants to be his!

So many women are robbed of their worth. Why do so many men become participants in this act of sabotage? How can there be any encouragement when a woman is debased, humiliated, or regarded as worthless? For a wife to truly fulfill her purpose, a husband must value her.

A wife needs to be respected:

What is respect?

Respect is the act of giving appreciation, fondness, preference, honor, interest, and delight in someone. Respect exhibits joy, passion, enthusiasm, and affection. The bible says that Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well everything she ever did (John 4:29, NASB). He was specifically interested in her life to the extent that He knew all aspects of her life; who she was, what was her purpose, and why she came to Him. A husband must have that kind of interest in his wife; he must be intimately acquainted with all aspects of her life. A wife wants her husband to know:

1. Who she is (she wants her husband to simply “Get her”)
2. What her God-given purpose is (she wants her husband to support her purpose)
3. Why she uniquely chose him (she wants her husband to appreciate her)

A husband’s love will be demonstrated through his respect for his wife. It is here that he reaches the depth of her spirit, soul and body; she has become bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. They are one.

What does a wife mean when she says (about her husband), "He gets me."

A husband must understand his wife; this understanding comes through respect. If you’re having problems in your relationship with your wife, you haven’t mastered the discipline of respect. Are you committed to experiencing joy, passion, enthusiasm, and affection for the woman you married? Have you walked through those valleys of life recognizing she is your helper? Have you gained an appreciation, fondness, and preference for your wife? Do you honor her with interest and delight? In order to love your wife as Christ loves the church, you must give her the respect she needs.

Heavenly Father,

You've demnonstrated for us what love is. The bible declares "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us". You lavish us with Your love O Lord. It wasn't enough to command husbands to love their wife, You gave us the example of Your beloved Son, Jesus Christ who declared, "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you....", so let us live our lives as clean, holy, husbands and wives, as singles, as parents, as children, as relatives and as friends. Today Father, let us choose, not as Adam, but as Christ, and sons adopted by You. Let us choose to glorify You in our life. May You be pleased by all that I think, say, and do. Please encourage those husbands and wives struggling to understand their true purpose in marriage. Give them clarity of sight and a heart committed to love. In the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnote:

1. John 8:29, NASB

References:

1. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
2. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
3. The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
4. King James Version, The Crusade Analytical Study Edition, Crusade Bible Publishers, Inc., PO Box 90011, Nashville, Tennessee 37209
5. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
6. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
7. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6