Fresh

Special Message: I need your help. My daughter entered her online crystal jewelry business (Gift of NI) in Walmart's Get on the Shelf contest. I want to ask you to cast a vote for her and mention it on your blog. If this is something you're not comfortable with, no worries. I don't often say this, but I do appreciate your visit and each comment. I thank God for each of you.

Fresh vine-ripened grapes

Clusters of grapes Ripe, fresh pomegranates Juicy, flavorful figs…     All fresh! Your blessings, O Lord…     New and fresh always! See the daffodils, yellow and beautiful. The lilies are fragrant and colorful. A vase filled with vibrant red roses…     All fresh! New every morning…     You constantly make our lives fresh! Your beautiful baby girl The son you’ve always wanted The unbridled smile of your child…     All fresh! When God ushers in a new thing…     It’s always fresh! You stuck with me through the good and bad times. You were there for better and for worse. You are my constant friend.     All fresh! You are closer than any brother Lord…     You make my life new and fresh! Poem by MTJ

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

Welcome Spring

Jesus is The Welcome Spring

Like a welcome spring breeze…     you came into my life and rescued me. What a rescue! You said, “Behold, I come”...     and You did. You sheltered me from the cold winter…     and warmed me with Your love. You nurtured me with grace…     and sustained me with salvation. Daily, You watch over me…     ordering my steps,     even when I fall. You are my welcome spring. You are like the river that flows...     a strong current to carry me. You secure me! You said, "...whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst." When I thirst, you fill my cup...     until it overflows with joy and gladness. You are my oasis...     in the hot arid regions of my life. Your gifts are beyond measure...     Your immeasurable love amazes me.     You are life springing from the dead.     my roots stretch forth to drink from you. You are my welcome spring.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

Hidden Agendas (Part 3)

I could easily answer that question with a Yes! I did find joy in doing something I know I had no previous desire to do. Unknown to me (I thank God for the clarity given to me now) but all during the time I was praying and crying to God to speak to me, He was working in me. God never saw a need to explain what He was doing in my life and I took His silence as rejection. What I now realize is that God was drawing me closer to Him by drawing me closer to those things I rejected before. Nothing could have enticed me to do household chores not even a failed marriage. Nothing could persuade me to launch a blog about my walk with Christ. I couldn’t deny I found joy and passion just in doing them and not having a hidden agenda. If there was an agenda, it was the joy and passion I experienced in the act of doing it.

I don’t consider myself a good husband because I do household chores and I don’t consider myself a good Christian because I blog. However, I do see how easily I could convince myself that I ought to receive acknowledgement and recognition for what I do. I can soak up attention so easily so I’m cautious about my attitude and checking my ego.

Martha did a hospitable act that caused her to refocus her attention on what someone else wasn’t doing. She sought support from Jesus to validate her opinion. Instead, Christ instructed her that she was worried and bothered about many things but only one thing is necessary…the focus of one’s heart.

Where is my heart Lord? Is it on you or is it all about me?

I allow myself to question many things I have said and done because I don’t want to find myself operating in a mode of self-justification that whitewashes my life. My life is focused on being submitted to Christ; body, soul and spirit, I belong to Him now.

I can see now what I was unable to see months ago. The Holy Spirit was swapping out those thoughts, attitudes and behaviors and bringing into my memory an undiscovered simple joy and passion. Each time I undertake a household chore or I sit down to write, I experience a joy, peace and contentment that increases the desire to do more.

There are bloggers dispersed all around the globe, those I have virtually met through this medium have given me an opportunity to hear the things which God is sharing through them as they live for Christ. Some have faced tremendous adversity; many are women who’ve known the callous and insensitive cruelty those of my gender can wreak on others. Some, seeking a place in the church have instead experienced ostracism. Some I have found to be genuinely down to earth loving and caring people. Some are hurt and continue to struggle with the painful reminders of their life.

Each in their own way has impressed me by their desire to press on.

I see Martha as a type of outward man, doing things which on the surface appear to be good, worthwhile things to do. However, there are things I do which cause me to seek attention and validation that what I’m doing is what others should be doing too. To this kind of thinking the bible says,

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus…[who]…did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant…He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”¹

The problem with the outward man kind of thinking is that I can never humble myself by becoming obedient when I focus on what others are doing for Christ. Certainly I value the truths which the Holy Spirit imparts to me but the Holy Spirit is not following a single methodology in teaching me. I would not have learned to experience joy apart from the expectation of acquiring something greater than the task I performed were it not for the Holy Spirit enabling me to discover a joyful passion in doing things which I previously rejected doing.

“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”²

This then is how I discovered my joy and passion: by doing them in the name of the Lord and giving thanks to God the Father through Jesus Christ.

I am discovering that the fulfillment of obedience is joy and passion with thanksgiving.

To be given the opportunity to experience joy and passion and to be thankful for both the opportunity and the experience is something which I cannot adequately clarify; I can only say I have peace.

I see Mary as a type of inward man, who does not find it enough to be in the same house as Jesus, she sits at His feet hoping to learn from Him something far more valuable than attempting to fulfill a role that invariably leads to worry and frustration. There is in Mary the implication of joyful expectation; much like an expectant mother nearing the time to deliver.

Martha is living her life justified by her works; Mary is living her life justified by faith in Jesus. Martha expends effort and energy thinking her works will prove fruitful but instead, she finds frustration because Mary isn’t assisting her. Martha’s frustration demands that the situation be corrected in a way that pleases her. In all this Mary never says a word to defend her actions; Christ speaks not only on behalf of Mary but He addresses the real problem in Martha, worry and distraction.

As I look at Martha, I see how easily distracted I can get by the unexpected actions of others.

Martha had an expectation that Mary would assist her, when this didn’t occur she grew frustrated.

What does that say about me? It says that my (misplaced) expectations are directed towards the wrong person.

“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…”³

I can avoid frustration, worry and disappointment by focusing on Jesus Christ because He will not frustrate, cause me worry or disappoint me.

When the writer of Hebrews says:

“…who for the joy set before Him endured the cross…”⁴

I get the sense that as painful and shamefully humiliating as the crucifixion was, Jesus endured the cross as an act of joy. Earlier, Christ said this of Himself and His relationship to the Father:

“…I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.”⁵

So even though the task Martha was performing was a good task, she had no joy in doing it; she was unable to focus on the sheer joy of doing it to please God.

Has my focus been misplaced? Quite often it has and I’ve found frustration instead of joy.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.”⁶

There is an all-encompassing joy when my focus is solidly on Christ. In Him, I find true joy in the things I do because He has demonstrated the mindset I need in order to see the joy set before me.

There was a time when I would never consider cleaning a toilet. The toilet is a metaphor for my life.

I find myself smiling at this thought that all along, God had this in mind for me; stubborn, lazy, selfish me. A valuable lesson I’m learning on finding real joy without hidden agendas.

"Thy words were found and I ate them, And Thy words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart. For I have been called by Thy name, O Lord God of hosts."⁷

"...but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one takes your joy away from you."⁸

"And the disciples were continually filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit."⁹

Father in heaven,

I am counting it all joy when I experience the trials of life. I am learning that these trials test my faith with the goal of producing endurance in me. I see endurance is necessary to sustain me when I'm bombarded with thoughts of doubt. I am learning to pray, to ask and to seek You in faith, a faith which You've measured out to me. I thank You Lord Jesus for not leaving or forsaking me, even when I forsook You; You are ever faithful. Thank You holy Spirit for the guidance you give me; imparting wisdom and understanding of the scriptures into my life. Through You, I am empowered to apply the word of God into my life each day. Father, I cannot forget those who prayed for my marriage. They stood as mighty warriors, holding the line against the thief who came to rob, kill and destroy a love so precious. Thank You for the bloggers who encouraged me when I was discouraged. Finally thank You for Lillian, the woman she is and the heart to forgive. Our jouney is incomplete but we move forward with You. Help me as we endeavor to build a relationship that fosters a love which I value and cherish. Amen.

Footnotes:

1. Philippians 2:5-8, NASB
2. Colossians 3:17, NASB
3. Hebrews 12:2, NASB
4. Hebrews 12:2, NASB
5. John 8:29, NASB
6. Philippians 4:8, NASB
7. Jeremiah 15:16, NASB
8. John 16:22, NASB
9. Acts 13:52, NASB

References:

1. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
2. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

Hidden Agendas (Part 2)

One Saturday, I could hear my wife in the basement and when I asked what she was doing, she answered,

“I’m cleaning up the bathroom.”

As I walked backed to do whatever it was I was doing, I wondered, Why? It was then that the Holy Spirit spoke to me the words,

“It’s something which needs to be done.”

I decided I would attempt to clean a bathroom.

A few weeks later, I was cleaning that very same bathroom in the basement and my wife came to the top of the stairs and asked,

“What are you doing?”

“I’m cleaning the bathroom.”

Silent pause

“If you're doing this because you think somehow it will change things then you might as well stop trying because this isn’t going to change anything; so there’s no point in you doing this.”

“I’m not trying to change your mind; I don’t have any hidden agenda. I’m cleaning the bathroom because it needs to be cleaned.”

That could have been the end of our dialog but I realized that I had more to say.

“Look, I accept total responsibility for being selfish and arrogant and insensitive; I ruined something good. You’re hurt and angry with me and that’s cool. But I want you to know I still love you and I care about you; that’s not going to change.”

Looking back on that moment in time, I realize I could have responded to this as I had so often before. She’d gotten in my personal space and my typical response would have been to vanquish my opponent; complete annihilation and total victory for me. I don’t mean physically, but I required emotional victories to validate my manhood. I was too smart for anyone (including the Lord) to truly get me; I alone could climb the top of my own apex.

Her words echoed in my mind, “This isn’t going to change anything.”

Was I doing this to convince her I was now different or had I found a true purpose in doing household chores?

I told myself I was the same selfish, arrogant guy she’d married but piece by piece, little by little, things were being swapped out.

I’m going to break my geek out for a moment to try and explain my concept of swapping. At some point when software instructions are executed (running), they execute in memory. When those instructions are not being executed, they get swapped (moved) to secondary storage. This is similar to you remembering a birthday. The thought of when a specific birthday occurs is in your memory. You may also have a lunch meeting, parent-teacher conference or something else scheduled which you’ve noted in your planner, PDA or post-it on the refrigerator. The reminder of that event is stored elsewhere (secondary storage).

So the Holy Spirit is my task manager, swapping out these long held attitudes and behaviors and bringing into my memory the instruction set of cleaning toilets.

Last night I was thinking about hidden agendas because something in me was triggered and I was concerned that maybe I was still that same guy with just a new coating of paint. I questioned whether I was doing things for the right reason or did I have my own agenda running parallel to the outward things I said and did.

I talked it over with my wife and sought her insight, thinking I was too close to the issue to see clearly. After talking, I asked her to pray for me but I still felt no release from my thoughts. I desperately wanted to acquire the Lord’s clarity on this.

I knew that I had discovered a joy in doing work which I’d previously viewed as the kind of tasks which were menial and beneath me. Questions regarding my motives for blogging were triggered by my historical past attitudes; I was experiencing self-doubt. But it wasn’t the same kinds of doubts I felt when I couldn’t sense the presence of God. I had kept God at arm’s length for so long and when I called out to Him, He was silent. God obviously had His reasons and He definitely got my attention, so that when He responded to my cries, I was overwhelmed by His presence, love, forgiveness and grace.

My thoughts were clouded, I couldn’t discern whether God wanted my attention about my motives or if I was being attacked with doubts about my ability to follow Christ fully.

And then the Holy Spirit came and showed me something which gave me the clarity I needed. I read five verses in the tenth chapter of Luke about two sisters:

“...a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary, who moreover was listening to the Lord’s word, seated at His feet. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him, and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.’ But the Lord answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.’”¹

Two sisters who are focused in two totally different areas:

1. Martha is busy with the preparation and serving of the meal.
2. Mary is busy listening to the message of Christ.

Martha wanted Jesus to focus on her concerns while Mary wanted to focus on the concerns of Jesus. I wondered how this applied to the doubts I now grappled with. It would be easy to see myself as Mary, totally focused on hearing the instructions of Christ but I needed to examine Martha’s attitude.

Certainly there was nothing wrong with Martha wanting to be a good host, serving food to Jesus and his disciples. But in carrying out this task, Martha became offended that Mary would not help her fulfill this labor.

Was I seeking favor by doing something for Christ?

I found myself questioning my attitude while cleaning the bathroom.

Did I seek the acknowledgement and approval of my wife regarding my taking ownership of these duties or was I doing them for the joy experienced in the activity?

Do I seek acknowledgement and approval from Christ and others regarding my writing?

Was I doing these things out of a sense of obligation or did I truly find a passionate and spiritual joy in doing them?

This seems like a good breaking point so I'll stop and resume this discussion tomorrow.

"For to a person who is good in His sight He has given wisdom and knowledge and joy..."²

"For you will go out with joy, And be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap their hands."³

Almighty God and Father of all,

I give thanks to You my Lord for giving me joy. It may seem selfish of me to say this but I bask in this joy as if I shall never experience this moment again. I treasure the privilege of following Christ. I face challenges for sure, but I rest my confidence in Christ and not in myself. I am reminded by the Holy Spirit that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My thoughts aren't solely on myself but on the challenges so many others who call on your name face. You are the God who sees me and them. You know the needs and I know you are concerned to the degree that you will perform that which concerns them. Thank You that I have an audience with You through prayer. I bless Your Holy Name and give You all my praise. Amen.

Footnotes:

1. Luke 10:38-42, NASB
2. Ecclesiastes 2:26, NASB
3. Isaiah 55:12, NASB

References:

1. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
2. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

Hidden Agendas

Some time ago, I read something that resonated with me; it was something which only recently I could identify with. Kim, who blogs over at From the Heart Online recently wrote:

“If you’re thinking, ‘Joy isn’t happiness? What?! What’s the difference?’ I’m with you. Then I learned the difference - that happiness is an emotion, and joy is more a decision or belief.”¹

This caused me to reflect on a recent change in my thought process. First and foremost, I’ve seen myself as a man for a number of years. My concept of manhood has defined my view of not only myself but others as well. If someone got in my personal space, I wouldn’t step back, I'd move forward. I learned to meet any perceived act of aggression or intimidation with resistance and force; push before someone pushes me was my thinking. I remember one night as a teen, I was standing outside a bar watching two men fight; it was the most intense physical conflict I’ve ever seen. What registered in my mind was that confrontations are a fight to the death; there can be only one victor, opposition must be vanquished.

Realizing there were problems in my marriage coincided with recognizing the failure of my relationship with Christ. But I still was comfortable with who I was and if others had a problem with me, it was essentially their problem. I began writing two years ago, and at the time it was a new experience for me. I joined a writer’s group who critiqued my fictional short stories on romance and relationships, I took classes on writing; I discovered a passion for writing. The irony here is that I was comfortable writing about fictional relationships while never having to address my own relationship issues. I did not write about Christ or Christianity although I did sense the Lord was trying to gain my attention.

When it became apparent that problems in my marriage weren’t being addressed, I decided to cease writing (in December, 2009) and rediscover the passion I once felt for Christ, my wife and my life. In January of this year I began daily prayer, bible study and meditation. During this time, the only thing I sensed from God was to start a blog but I resisted those thoughts because I felt I was in no position to talk to others about Christ. The more I prayed, the more distant my relationship seemed to be with the Lord. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t sense or feel His presence. I felt isolated from God, thinking He withheld communication from me and I didn’t understand why.

I was doing the things I’m supposed to do and yet it seemed as if things were actually getting worse. In March, I decided to start a blog because this was the only consistent area I believed God was directing me in. Still, I couldn’t understand why God remained silent to me. After all, this was a big risk I was taking to write about my relationship with Christ. In actuality, I began writing about a relationship with Christ; not my relationship with Christ.

I’ve only discovered recently the difference and it occurred in a way which could only have happened by the grace of God and the Holy Spirit.

I decided to clean a toilet.

I need to explain that first; I’ve come to acknowledge that I’m lazy. All my life, I’ve despised housework, deferring it to those I lived with. Secondly, I want to say, I cannot imagine the thoughts that my wife, children, mother and brothers held of me as I sat around watching television, or running off to do my own thing while there was work to be done, but in actuality, I really can imagine their thoughts.

As I cleaned this toilet, I wondered why I’ve avoided household chores and the Holy Spirit clearly enunciated the words because you’re lazy and selfish. As you can probably tell, the thing I’d been praying for, to feel the presence of God, to sense His direction in my life and to know He still loves me had been answered but I had not expected it to get this personal. Submitting my life to the authority of God meant that things were going to get ugly before they got better.

I’m cleaning a toilet and I’m enjoying it.

It occurs to me at this very moment something which I didn’t even recognize until just now.

The toilet was a metaphor of my life.

I desperately wanted my wife back but she’d convinced me that our marriage was over. Any attempt to talk with her was met with stiff impenetrable resistance. I could now feel the presence of God in a way I had never experienced before but my wife was no longer a part of this experience.

I love my wife. She is a gift from God and yet I took her for granted just as I’d done with Christ and everyone else. Apart from her, I am empty; a wandering vagabond.

Over a year ago, she decided to leave but she didn’t leave, physically. Emotionally, she’d left the building and make no mistake about it, this was all my fault. The house was large enough for us to conduct our lives separately but it’s not what I wanted. I’d created an impasse that undid the one person who really mattered to me.

Even though I wanted her back in my life, I still had not fundamentally changed from who I was before. I’m fortunate that the Lord understood me in ways I never imagined and just as He gave me the desire for daily prayer, bible study and meditation, I began doing household chores. Initially, I was doing just the easy things like taking out the garbage. I realize now that was the only thing I took ownership of.

Next, I took up the laundry and I even did some ironing. But again, these were things which I found easy to do and they didn’t seem to be cumbersome for me because it was something that occurred as a weekly (sometimes even bi-weekly) task. Soon, I found myself washing the dishes and I must admit that although I wasn’t trying to show her that I was changing, I recognized an evolution in my attitudes as a result of the work of the Holy Spirit influencing me to change; I did these tasks because I recognized they needed to be done and I really wanted to do them. Up until this point I’d never considered cleaning the bathroom as something which needed to be done (by me).

I believe this is a good breaking point so I'll stop and resume this discussion tomorrow.

"In Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever."²

"...Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning."³

"Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, And sustain me with a willing spirit."⁴

Father God,

You have been so gracious to me in ways which are totally unwarranted and yet, in spite of my ignorance and selfish ways, You penetrated the walls I erected around my life. I marvel now at how You are restoring me by breaking me down into workable parts that fit together in a way I could never manage on my own. How can I truly express my gratitude to You? You've given me joy, placing it before me much like a parent extends their hands to an infant preparing to take those first of many steps. Thank You for a wife who loves me, in spite of me. Through her, You continually bless and enrich my life. Thank you for allowing me to experience such joy. My journey has not been without hazards and difficulties but You've been right here with me through every one. I bless the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. Thank you for those who took up the fight of spiritual warfare on behalf of me. They never ceased to pray for me. It is because of their example that I have taken up the mantle to pray for the needs of others. It is a joy I share with so many others standing before me. I count it all joy. Thank You Holy Spirit, for the gentle manner You employed to gain my trust in You. You fill me with a love, joy and hope that overflows. Amen.

Footnote:

1. Lies That Rob Me of Joy: Lie #4, written by Kim, for the blog From the Heart Online, August 19, 2010
2. Psalm 16:11, NASB
3. Psalm 30:5, NASB
4. Psalm 51:12, NASB

References:

1. From the Heart Online, Blog written by Kim
2. The Layman's Parallel New Testament, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6

Blessings to All!

I'm thankful to God that in the past week I've been able to read blogs authored by fellow Christians. When I began this blog, I prayed that the Lord would direct me and that each post would impart love, peace, wisdom, encouragement and fellowship to others.

Recently, my thoughts, prayers and reading have centered on topic of faith in God, so I began my blog on this subject; sharing my thoughts and personal experiences.

Today, rather than post on the subject of faith, I am offering a gift of song to all of you. Through His suffering, death and resurrection, Jesus Christ has dismantled the partition between God and mankind. The emotions of sorrow and pain that many of his followers felt when He said, "It is finished" was replaced with overwhelming joy upon the news of His resurrection. I wasn't there but I rejoice too.

That is the resounding message that will echo and reverberate throughout this weekend.

He's alive!
Note: This video clip can be expanded to fullscreen by clicking the four arrow directional icon on the bottom right.