A Friend (Part 3)

Just like Jesus, a friend loves unconditionally!

In Part 1, I wrote about the trait of unselfishness; in order to be a friend I must be willing to give myself to others. In Part 2, I wrote about the trait of honesty; in order to be a friend I must be honest with others about myself. In this third and final part, I want to share what I believe is the third trait one must have to be a friend; I must be willing to love. The word love can be and is interpreted to mean so many things to every one of us, but if we look in scripture we find one supreme example of love: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”1 In order to understand the depth of God’s love, we must acknowledge that He gave what no ordinary person would do; He gave His one and only Son. God gave…period! Love is really about my willingness to give. The mistake we humans make is in our effort to get something from others. We confuse getting with love in the belief that it will bring satisfaction, but getting only leads to an emptiness which must be further fueled by additional getting. Sadly, so many relationships have become stranded (much like a beached whale in the hot sun) because one or both people never truly understood the value of genuinely loving someone other than themselves. A friend never seeks to have the advantage in a relationship. A friend never has an attitude of getting something from a friend. That’s not what I would call friendship; words like self-serving, manipulator and deceptive readily come to my mind. A friend loves in such a way that they are willing to give to another; it’s a conscious choice they’ve made. Love really is about giving! When you learn to give love, you realize it’s not about someone else living up to your expectations, because the truth is they cannot. In this life, every one of us have said things, done things that we regret (I know I have), but I’ve come to appreciate God’s love for me in spite of my personal failures. Discovering this truth has helped me to see the need to love others not on the basis of what they do, but on the basis of who they are. This change has freed me to love in a way I didn’t know was possible. I remember having a discussion with a single mom about love and she contrasted the love for her child to the love for her ex-husband. I understood her to say that her husband failed in some way that prevented her from continuing with the marriage. I asked if her child ever disappointed her in some way that was unforgivable and she could not fathom an instance when no matter what the child did, there would ever come a time she could not love her child. Her answer made me wonder how the mother of a murderer, thief, or liar would respond. Some might say that it’s a maternal thing with women that enables them to love someone they’ve birthed into the world, but then, not all women exhibit that trait. Some mothers abuse their children, some even kill them. A mother must choose to love her child, she must choose to give love, no matter how much disappointment a child may cause in her life. Can it be any different to choose to love someone I didn’t give birth to? Adoptive parents are capable of loving a child which is not biologically related. How? They choose to love. They choose to give their life to another. How does a husband love an unfaithful wife? How does a wife love an abusive husband? How do I love a friend who betrays me? These are not questions which can be answered with a fortune cookie. There are hard questions which challenge the longevity of relationships and friendships. If I am going to be a friend, I must understand and accept that the durability of my love for others will face adversity, disappointment, and possibly regret. In the end, it will come down to what I choose. Is this person worthy of my love? Am I willing to continue this friendship? Please understand that I am not advocating anyone be a doormat. On the contrary, we all understand the need for boundaries. There are parameters which each of us accepts as part of any friendship; if they are not explicit, they should be implicitly understood. Friendship requires an open channel of honest communication between two people. Friendship requires a level of trust that demonstrates dependability and loyalty. Others may desert you, but not your friend. A friend loves. They’ve made the choice to love you, just as God made the choice to love us; He gave…. Love gives! MTJ

A Note of Thanks: I would just like to say Thank you, to each of you who visit My Thought-filled Journey. Taking time out of your busy schedule to read a post on this blog encourages me. Many of those who visit, will from time to time leave a comment, but it really doesn't matter whether a comment is left. What matters, is that you came here. I hope you find encouragement and inspiration in these words. Please know I will pray with you regarding any circumstance you may be facing. Feel free to write me to say "Hello", request prayer, or share what God is doing in your life. I have not said it enough, but thank you for the light of Christ in your life which illuminates the way for us all.

Footnote:

1. John 3:16, NIV

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

A Friend (Part 2)

What A Friend We Have In Jesus - Aretha Franklin

Last week, I wrote about unselfishness being a characteristic trait of one who is a friend. We see this trait in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the Holy Spirit, and in our Heavenly Father. If we are to imitate Christ as Paul wrote: “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…”1 When I have the mind of Christ, it means that I can be unselfish. It also means that I can be honest. If I am to be honest, I must be transparent about myself. I must be willing to allow others to see and know who I really am. Sometimes, the challenge we face as Christians is conforming to perceptions of who others think we should be. Being diagnosed with a serious medical condition can lead me down a path where I’m uncomfortable talking openly about my personal struggles. Many men and women have to face the reality of being let go by their employer after years of hard work. Some come to learn that getting that next job can be a difficult river to navigate. Parents may struggle with a son or daughter who is caught up in a lifestyle which includes the self-destructive use of drugs and or alcohol. Some are faced with the suicide, murder or death (from another cause) of a loved one. There may be the tendency to put on a happy face despite the underlying conflict within. What will my friends and family think of me if they know I am struggling? The truth is that even the ones we look up to as towers of faith and strength face doubts and reservations about life. Saying so doesn’t make me less faithful. Acknowledging that I need God’s grace is an honest expression of my faith. Affirming that God’s grace is sufficient for me is the assurance I need to face whatever struggles I experience in this life. Being a friend means that I’m comfortable listening to the perspectives of others (about me), and knowing the difference between wisdom and criticism. It also means that I’m willing and comfortable with being accountable to my friends. When I’m not willing to be accountable, I’m really not being honest. We can see the example of Christ being both honest and accountable to the Father: “The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.”2 Being honest and accountable begins with my relationship with God, and extends in my relationships with those I know here on earth. I don’t question God’s love for me; I have many examples which demonstrate His love. But I know there have been instances when I questioned the love others claim to have for me. I realize now that what I was really questioning was my own ability to love; really love by freely being honest with them about my life. I’m not inferring here that having the mind of Christ means that I’m a people pleaser. On the contrary, having the mind of Christ enables me to focus on pleasing God with the life I’ve been entrusted to live. That for me is the ideal way of being a friend to others. I want to be compassionate, caring and honest, so that others know they can count on me being the kind of friend who isn’t afraid to be honest. I also means that I'm sensitive and caring enough to know that sometimes, it’s better to listen rather than speak. I’ve been guilty enough times to know than anyone can spout off a bunch of words which may be true, but lack compassion, and honesty so that they just ring out as hollow sounding piety. Those kinds of words never help, they cut wounds; deep, raw, and painful wounds which on some occasions, never quite heal properly. If I am to be a friend, I must support my unselfish mind with the backbone of honesty. MTJ

A Note of Thanks: I would just like to say Thank you, to each of you who visit My Thought-filled Journey. Taking time out of your busy schedule to read a post on this blog encourages me. Many of those who visit, will from time to time leave a comment, but it really doesn't matter whether a comment is left. What matters, is that you came here. I hope you find encouragement and inspiration in these words. Please know I will pray with you regarding any circumstance you may be facing. Feel free to write me to say "Hello", request prayer, or share what God is doing in your life. I have not said it enough, but thank you for the light of Christ in your life which illuminates the way for us all.

Footnotes:

1. Philippians 2:5, NIV
2. John 8:29, NIV

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

A Friend

A Friend -- The Winans

A friend, a friend, a friend, a friend
Friend of mine and yours
Out of all the love in the world
No one could love you more
"I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts."¹

"A friend loves at all times..."²

"...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."³

"And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend."⁴

As I sit here today, listening to the chirping of birds, the sky is blue and the sun is shining, my thoughts looks to the one friend I know I can always count on…Jesus Christ. Don’t get me wrong, I could not have lived this life of mine without friends, but time and distance often make friendship less of a priority; things get in the way of friendships with others. In spite of this obstacle, I’m trying to be a friend to those who know me. I’m learning from Christ what it means to be a friend. I’m reminded of what Luke wrote in his gospel5 about an expert in the Judaic Law. The man came up to Jesus, asking what he must do to inherit eternal life. Their conversation wasn’t so much about learning to do what is important, but an example of self-justification we humans so often are guilty of. Jesus asked the man, “What is written in the Law?...How do you read it?” “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.” The man’s response revealed that although he knew the letter of the law of God, the spirit of the law had not touched his heart. Jesus told the man, “You have answered correctly...Do this and you will live.” The man then asked, “And who is my neighbor?” We have neighbors of varying types, some good, others not so good. The good neighbors, we consider friends, others fall into another category. Jesus continued talking to this man by revealing the example of the Good Samaritan. In His conclusion, Jesus asked: “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the Law finally answered truthfully from his heart by saying, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus didn’t give a long legal explanation of the Law. He simply spoke to the man’s heart and revealed that for all of us, we have an example before us that enables us to follow a pattern which never fails. The beauty in the response of Jesus is revealed in four simple words: “Go and do likewise.” I realize that God would never ask me to be a friend to someone, if He never demonstrated His friendship to me. I don’t have to wonder, Who is my friend? I don’t need to discriminate, pick and choose, or compartmentalize people. It’s not up to others, it’s up to me to be a friend. What does it mean to be a friend? A Friend is Unselfish: Jesus reveals the true example of friendship in the gospel of John: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.”6 Ask yourself these questions: Does God make time for me or is He always too busy? Is God honest with me even when I don’t want to hear the truth? Does God love me when I am my most unloving? These questions cut right to the heart of being a friend because it forces me to look at how selfish I have been toward others. I could offer some plausible explanation as to the circumstances which precipitated my behavior, but the truth is I was a selfish person. I cared more about myself. Being a friend means giving myself to others, and I don’t simply mean those who are kind to me; that part is very easy. The friendship I speak of is not an easy road to navigate. I’ve encountered some people who have said some of the cruelest, vile, hurtful words to me; some I even considered to be closer than mere friends. What I realize though is that my example of friendship did not instill in others what I truly desired from them; friendship. Being a friend means being unselfish to others, making time for them; even when it is an inconvenience to me. Being a friend is being honest with others, not just being honest about them, but more importantly, being honest about myself. Being a friend means loving others when they do not share love towards me. In the coming weeks, I hope to share more on this topic of friendship. I hope you will join me, by sharing your thoughts and experiences. Until then, be blessed. MTJ

A Note of Thanks: I would just like to say Thank you, to each of you who visit My Thought-filled Journey. Taking time out of your busy schedule to read a post on this blog encourages me. Many of those who visit, will from time to time leave a comment, but it really doesn't matter whether a comment is left. What matters, is that you came here. I hope you find encouragement and inspiration in these words. Please know I will pray with you regarding any circumstance you may be facing. Feel free to write me to say "Hello", request prayer, or share what God is doing in your life. I have not said it enough, but thank you for the light of Christ in your life which illuminates the way for us all.

Footnotes:

1. Psalm 119:63, NIV
2. Proverbs 17:17, NIV
3. Proverbs 18:24, NIV
4. James 2:23, NIV
5. Luke 10:25-37, NIV
6. John 15:12-14, NIV

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

The Friend of God (Part 2)

“Now it came about after these things, that God tested Abraham, and said to him, ‘Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here I am.’ And He said, ‘Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah; and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.'”¹

The Hebrew name Moriah, is only mentioned twice in scripture², it is a hill in Palestine which the Jews believe is the site upon which Solomon built the temple and the altar of burnt offerings³. The word Moriah means, to be seen of Jah, the Lord, most vehement. Moriah is the place to be seen by the God of deeply felt and intense expressions; the God who is worshipped here.

In this exchange between God and Abraham, I observe that:

1. God decides to test Abraham
2. The test is a test of love, loyalty and devotion
3. The test is for Abraham’s benefit

In testing Abraham, God has determined that the relationship has reached a level in which it now requires higher elevation. This test from God is in essence Him saying, Come up here. This is what John wrote in Revelation:

“After these things I looked and behold, a door standing open in heaven, and the first voice which I had heard, like the sound of a trumpet speaking with me, said, ‘Come up here…'”⁴

I believe that as I grow in my relationship with God through faith, I need to elevate my relationship because it has reached a plateau; this is what I believe the writers of Genesis and Revelation speak of as, “After these things”. These things are those learning experiences that build upon one another. The test wasn’t for God’s benefit; He already knew Abraham would obey the test.

Why then test Abraham?

So that Abraham would realize that his deeply felt and intense expressions for his only son Isaac, those unspoken thoughts of love and gratitude to God were already known by Jah. I also believe God wanted Abraham to see and worship Him with a new perspective.

Moriah is the place to be seen by Jah but Moriah is only representative of the spiritual place where one is seen by Jah. God wants Abraham to move from the natural into the spiritual realm of their relationship.

Why was it a test of love, loyalty and devotion?

At the instruction of God, Abram left family, home, security, friends, established relationships to go where God told him to go. This was the beginning of his walk of obedience.

True obedience will only express itself through love, loyalty and devotion.

Some are taught obedience through fear and intimidation but when the opportunity presents itself, they will flee to escape obedience that is based on tyranny. Some learn obedience through a code of ethics, principles, moral or societal guidelines and laws but when there is a loophole that offers a tangible benefit, obedience becomes devalued. I cannot maintain a relationship with God based on fear. I cannot maintain a relationship with God by trying to follow codes and guidelines.

I can only maintain a relationship with God by my desire to worship Him.

It is through worship (or devotion) that I gain an awareness of a desire for love and loyalty. I realize that God is faithful, so too must I become faithful. I realize that God is love, so too must I become loving. I realize that God is loyal, so too must I become loyal. I realize that God is holy, so I too must become holy. In order to get Abraham to this spiritual position in his life, God had to get him above ground level that he might bear witness to who God really is in his life. On Moriah, Abraham bore witness to Jehovah Jireh; The Lord Will Provide.

I believe that whenever God causes growth in the relationship with a believer, He takes them above ground to a higher elevation. We find this happens to Moses in the mountain with the burning bush. Paul speaks of a man caught up to the third heaven. I believe God wants me to see what I can never see from ground level (in the natural). He wants me to see Him with a new perspective; that I would enter into a much deeper relationship with Him through my worship. This is what Abraham bore witness to; he saw Jehovah Jireh.

From this point on, the relationship between God and Abraham changes because of what Abraham witnessed with his own eyes. He would no longer see God as the God of promises; He was now The Lord Will Provide.

A provision and a promise are fundamentally different. A promise is a pledge of something to be done in the future or a pledge to maintain something previously established. A provision is something given in sufficient quantity to sustain me. A promise can be invalidated or ended. A provision is never exhausted.

Abraham already knew of the promises of God, now he walked in the provision of God. On Moriah the bible reveals that:

“And Abraham called the name of that place The Lord Will Provide, as it is said to this day, ‘In the mount of the Lord it will be provided.’”⁵

Abraham thus entered into the spiritual realm of friendship with God.

He now understood the Lord provides for me in every area of my life; The Lord Will Provide.

Whatever I need, God knows I trust Him as The Lord Will Provide. It is there for me, but I must elevate my spirit, soul and body that I may come to know Him as The Lord Will Provide.

So in answering the question, Does God trust me? I must understand that this question is not an issue for God as it is for me; God does not grapple with that issue as I do, He already knows the answer. I am the one who needs to go to that spiritual place called Moriah; the place where my spirit longs to worship Jah. As I ascend up to Moriah and reach the place that God is calling me to come to, I find provision allocated to me in a way that dissolves my fears, concerns, worries, doubts and cares.

I am discovering a new aspect of my relationship with God, He wants to call me friend.

He isn’t satisfied with me seeing Him only as the God of promises.

He wants me to recognize Him as Jehovah Jireh, The Lord Will Provide.

I am now ascending my very own Moriah and I fully expect to find The Lord Will Provide when I arrive. The test is for my benefit. The sacrifice I offer will be that which I treasure, that which I value most. It will be the offering of my worship to God. I am excited about this sacrifice of worship because I want this friendship.

I’m doing this because I want to be called the friend of God. Yes, and although I say He is, The Lord Will Provide, I’m not seeking provision; I’m seeking Him.

Father God,

You are calling me to Moriah, the place where I come to worship You. The place of my spiritual sacrifice. The place where I see you as The LORD Will Provide. I'm not seeking provision, I seek friendship with You. I want to ascend to Moriah to sacrifice my doubts, my fears, my worries, my cares, all of them I offer up to You Lord. I'm excited about our friendship and the opportunities you provide for me as Your friend. You are my Jehovah Jireh. Amen.

Footnotes:

1. Genesis 22:1-2, NASB
2. Genesis 22:2; 2 Chronicles 3:1
3. Unger’s Bible Dictionary, page 758
4. Revelation 4:1, NASB
5. Genesis 22:14, NASB

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
4. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

The Friend of God

“Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he offered up Isaac his son on the altar? You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected: and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, ‘AND ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,’ and he was called the friend of God.”¹

Most of us who’ve read the epistle of James are familiar with his exposition on faith and works. Many have concluded that James is refuting Paul’s assertion of salvation by grace alone (apart from works). While it makes an interesting topic for debate, I want to focus on the phrase of the last sentence: “…he was called the friend of God.”

I have over the last several weeks read blogs which speak of having a friendship with God. Last night at church I sang a song about being a friend of God. As a young man, whenever I heard the song, God is Love², I would join in to sing:

Don't go and talk about my father Cause God is my friend Jesus is my friend He loves us whether or not we know it Just loves us, oh ya And He'll forgive all our sins Forgive all our sins And all He asks of us, is we give each other love. Oh ya

In spite of singing this song of my youth, I never saw myself or even considered the thought of being a friend of God. Looking back I can only think of a handful of people I called my friend but I never extended a trust to them. I learned very early in life not to trust anyone. I believe this is because of a constant reminder that my grandmother repeated time and time again to stress the dangers of getting involved in activities in the streets. Eventually, for a season, I did succumb to the call of the streets. I look back at that time of trying to be a gang banger, hustler, thief, drug user and I see that I held trust for no one; there was only me. It didn’t matter who I hung with, there was always a buffer I kept between them and me. I would never allow anyone to get close enough to betray me.

That’s how I viewed relationships. At some point, you would do something that betrayed our friendship. I came to expect that pivotal point to occur and I often found myself analyzing situations that would trigger that event. The truth is that I was the one who often sabotaged the friendship by an act of betrayal. I’d undercut a friend to take his girl. I’d keep drugs hidden for myself. Any money I made from my activities I’d lie in order to keep for myself; I trusted no one and yet the truth is:

I was totally untrustworthy.

In my mind, I was the epitome of trustworthiness.

The mind can be a terribly wasted thing.

So I developed this mindset that I could not trust anyone and although at a conscious level, I thought that I extended trust to others, in reality I still withheld trust. My wife recently told me that it has been painfully difficult to accept that I didn’t fully trust her.

Wow! That came as such a shock because I thought she was the one person I did trust.

I admit there have been occasions when doubts crept in my mind, but I actually thought I extended trust to her.

This has led me to a fundamental question on friendship.

Is it possible to love someone and not actually trust them?

I can recall friendships with many of my old gang banging boys I hung out with. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I loved any of them. I supported them in the gang concept of camaraderie. If any of them were threatened by some rival gang, I stood with them but this wasn’t from an understanding of love or trust; so the loyalty wasn’t truly friendship-based.

Realizing that I’ve held a twisted and perverted view of friendship, I recognize at least one of three characteristics that were absent from my relationships:

1. Love
2. Trust
3. Loyalty

I must also acknowledge that this was also true of my relationship with God. I did not really allow God to be my friend. I would always subconsciously do something to sabotage the relationship to justify my long-held premise; I can trust no one, so I can have no friends.

I believe the Holy Spirit is changing my heart in this area because I now desire meaningful relationships that are based on me being a friend. This began with the realization that I wanted to be God’s friend.

Someone (I wish I could remember who the blogger was) recently blogged about trusting God to the extent that God has demonstrated that He is trustworthy to them. When I read this, I began to see a pattern of behavior on God’s part that clearly demonstrated that I could trust Him; God was saying by His actions, I want to be your friend.

As I absorbed the thought that I could trust God in my conscious mind, the Holy Spirit perforated me with a question:

Can God trust you?

I was hesitant to answer this question which I’d never pondered before. For me, the issue of trust has always been a one-way road. Here was God asking me to get on His multi-directional highway where I’d interchange love, trust and friendship; with Him.

Thoughts of drowning in an ocean would be an apt description of what I was feeling at that moment.

I wondered what Abraham must have felt when God asked him to take his son’s life. What did he think?

But You promised me this son God! I’ve waited years for his birth and now You ask me to take his life?

I can’t accept the notion that Abraham had doubts about this. The scriptures do not make reference to this. On the contrary, the scriptures point to Abraham’s obedience.

How did Abraham reach a point of obedience that he no longer questioned God?

As I looked back in scripture, I found something interesting:

“Now it came about after these things, that God tested Abraham, and said to him, ‘Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here I am.’ And He said, ‘Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah; and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.'”³

This is a good breaking point for me, so I'll resume this topic with its conclusion on Saturday. I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you on Saturday (Lord willing).

Father God,

Thank you that you reveal Yourself as the Almighty God, who has always existed. You desire to call each of us friend as I seek that kind of relationship with you. I find it as a buring desire in me that I cannot extinguish. I am learning what trust, loyalty and love really mean and I acknowledge I want to walk in this new knowledge. I believe you will give me opportunities to trust, to be loyal and to love. These opportunities are like seeds planted in me to produce a life of love, trust and loyalty. Thank You Lord for giving us opportunities to grow. May we each grow in wisdom, understanding, and knowledge of You. Amen.

Footnotes:

1. James, 2:21-23, NASB
2. God is Love, Performed by Marvin Gaye, Lyrics by Anna Gaye; Elgie Stover; James Nyx; Marvin Gaye, © Jobete Music Co Inc., released May 20, 1971
3. Genesis 22:1-2, NASB

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
4. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6