A Dark Room

Having examined the biblical description of belief and faith, I turn inward now to ask myself a question. I have heard many Christians described the events which led to their personal conversion (the how) but I want to address the question of why I became a Christian.

Up until that point in my life, I would not characterize myself as a religious man, I did not own a bible and the few occasions that I attempted to read, biblical passages left me bewildered and unsatisfied. To simply state my answer, I heard and I believed. What was it that I heard? The oration of four biblical scriptural points:

1. First, I heard that God simply loved me
2. Second, I heard that God loves me despite the reality that I didn’t love God.
3. Third, I heard that I didn’t love God because I didn’t know God (this was a result of being separated from God by sin).
4. Finally, I heard that God offers a way for me to be reconciled to a spiritual relationship with Him through the sacrificial death of His son, Jesus Christ.

Once I heard this, I believed it to be true; I still believe it today.

Faith to me is like being in a darkened room, unable to see anything. In this room, a light is revealed to me; it is the light of God revealed in scripture. The bible says that no one has ever seen God, so I can offer no conclusive evidence to what God looks like. The bible does cite instances (primarily in the Old Testament) of people hearing the voice of God. I have never heard God’s voice, so I cannot say what God looks or sounds like. There have been those who have claimed to have heard God but subsequent actions by these people refute that claim.

In any case, I live in a world which for me spiritually speaking, is a darkened room. I have been given light, illumination and visibility through the revelation of biblical scripture. I am aware of the various kinds of light in this world but find little benefit in applying these forms of light to my spiritual journey. It has taken me many years to discover that my journey involves a daily communion with God; even though I can’t see or hear Him. My faith compels me to believe that God will direct my path for me because I need direction.

It is a humbling admission to say, “I’m incapable of doing what’s right, knowing what’s right or saying what’s right.” I have learned that more often than not, I just foul things up in such a complete way that brings hurt, pain and sorrow to those I genuinely care about. It’s not my intent to hurt. I can’t help it, I’m predisposed (inclined) to think, say and do the wrong thing. I want to be a better man and so I ask God to direct me today. After years of relying on my intelligence and failing miserably, I’ve come to realize that I just don’t know the answers; I never did but I believe God does.

So each day, I pray to the God which no man has seen, asking for wisdom and understanding to correctly apply biblical scripture in my life. I can honestly say that reading the bible has shown me something which I never acknowledged until now, I didn’t trust God.

Trust is not something earned, it is given. You do or you don’t; there is no wait and see with trusting. For years, I waited for God to prove Himself to me. Over time, I became frustrated and discouraged; until I could no longer trust God. I didn’t understand that God had no need to prove Himself to me. God was not under obligation to my needs, wants and desires. I have discovered (to my shock and amazement) that God really is sovereign, God is without peer; God stands alone. God will do what God chooses to do. God can bless and extend mercy to whomever He chooses.

God established a covenant with me through Jesus Christ and I can find no flaws in the execution and maintenance of that covenant. If there are problems, I have discovered that it is I who am at fault.

My faith in Christ requires dependence upon the light of biblical truth each day and every moment of my life. I am thankful that though the room is dark, God gives me light.