|And when the broken hearted people|
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.....
Lyrics written by
John Lennon and Paul McCartney
I have no idea how many husbands and wives are struggling today with the thought that they can no longer remain with their spouse. As someone whose marriage ended, I want to appeal to you before you make that decision.
Don’t do it!
Certainly it will not affect your salvation; only faith in Christ can save one from sin and condemnation. But what impact will it ultimately have on you as a follower of Christ? Again, I am not speaking to anyone who has already committed to ending their marriage, many of whom have re-married; I appeal to those struggling in their marriage.
Last week we celebrated Mother’s Day (and rightly so), for the many women who have given birth; nurturing their children into adulthood. Women do this from a place of love that no man can ever fully understand, but men are not without the ability to understand love. Love is something we all are capable of giving birth to, and yet in a marriage, many find it easier to abort love; rather than nurture love.
Why is that?
A wife will never love her husband in the manner she loves her child, and a husband will never love a wife in the way he loves his mother, but each is capable of giving birth to love one another.
Why does a marriage end in failure?
If I were to ask a hundred couples I’m certain I would hear more than two hundred reasons, but I believe most of us are simply dissatisfied with the person we chose to love. The thing is, I’m not dissatisfied with me, only my spouse. Words like,
- My spouse is the reason why the marriage failed,
- My spouse didn’t,
- My spouse wouldn’t, and
- My spouse could not
I hold on to these thoughts and I value them above the life of my spouse. I give birth to these thoughts and as I nurture and protect them, my spouse becomes more and more insignificant to me. It’s unfortunate that I will never put forth that kind of value, passion and desire for my spouse. I chose to abort my spouse, and I’m left with my thoughts which I can exalt and offer to God the thing which I’ve come to value above the life and love He birthed in me.
I’ve come to realize that marriage isn’t a battleground, although it often becomes a battle of wills. Marriage isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, although there will be times when both a husband and wife are wrong. No, marriage is about forgiving and loving someone in spite of the fact that they aren’t perfect.
A woman may not be a ravishing beauty, but as her husband you see such beauty in her life. A husband may be as stubborn as a mule, but as his wife, you see a man determined to get you; to accept you for the woman you are.
I’ve come to realize that I don’t want God seeing me as a flawed person that isn’t worth loving. I want God to love me in spite of my flaws.
But that doesn’t mean I want to remain flawed.
I may never reach the place where a flaw in the man I am, is perfected, but I still want to be loved by God.
I want that, but I’m unwilling to give that.
Your wife will never be everything you want her to be, but will you love her for who she is? Can you accept her for the flawed woman she is and will continue to be in this life? Or will you nurture the things, those condemning thoughts you gave birth to?
The bible says,
“… I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”2
I wonder what happens when someone aborts the love of a spouse. Is there sadness in the presence of the angels of God when a husband leaves his wife? What do the angels do when love is aborted?
Paul wrote in Philippians:
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus”3
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus”4
“Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]”5
“Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.”6
Are you capable of having the mind of Christ in your relationship with your spouse?
You don’t know my spouse MTJ! She doesn’t respect me! I don’t even think she knows how to love me.
Are you capable of loving her to the height, depth, length and breadth of God’s love for you?
I want to but she won’t let me.
Will you love her for the woman she is?
I just can’t MTJ!
What will you do then?
I’ll cling to these thoughts, replacing her life with my nurtured thoughts of her failures. I’ll value them above her life, and the love I once gave birth to. In the end, I will come to know what really matters to God.
What do you think?
I think you should let it be.
What do you mean by, “let it be?”
I think you should give birth to the mind of Christ and love your spouse.
Almighty God and Father,
We live in a world of division, anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain, but we are not of this world. We are citizens of heaven. You have demonstrated to us what love is. You didn't give us a concept, philosophy, or inkling feeling. You clearly demonstrated to us what true love is. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. I plead before Your throne of grace and mercy to bring healing to troubled marriages and relationships. Relationship problems between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, and those we once called friend. May we humble ourselves before You as Chrsit has demonstrated. May we obey Your command to love and forgive. May we obtain healing in our hearts and mind. In Jesus name. Amen.
|Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).|
- Philippians 2:5, NKJV
- Luke 15:10, NASB
- Philippians 2:5, NKJV
- Philippians 2:5, NIV
- Philippians 2:5, Amplified
- Philippians 2:5, Message
- The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
- The Jerusalem Bible, Edited by Alexander Jones, Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, New York, ISBN 0-385-01156-3
- The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
- The Message Bible, by Eugene H. Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group, Colorado Springs, CO, ISBN-13: 978-1600060250
- New King James Version, by Nelson Bibles, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., PO Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee, ISBN-13: 978-0840713704
- The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
- The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896