A Good Life (Part 3)

Note: In this third and final installment of my short story, we find the main character Katherine, faced with the fears and doubts many of us have faced, are facing or will face in our lives. We may feel a sense of powerlessness and desperation. We may feel all alone and without hope. What Katherine discovers is that even in the midst of our despair, God is totally aware and concerned about our life. I do not believe it is a question of "Will God?", but the reality of "God will!" This affirmation is borne of faith and experiences which have taught me that God has more than enough grace to sufficiently enable me to face any circumstance in my life. I hope you like Part 3.

Dr. Matthews walked hurriedly down the corridor towards Inpatient Admissions. As he turned the corner, he could hear a woman’s voice yelling. “I’m not sitting down until I find out about my husband! If you don’t allow me to see my husband, I’ll sue this hospital and fire every one of you on staff!” He now understood why the nurse in admissions requested he come as soon as possible. He spoke as he approached Katherine. “Mrs. Schaeffer?” “Yes, I’m Katherine Schaeffer! Who are you?” Dr. Matthews didn’t want to alarm Katherine, but he needed to get her to focus on the urgency of her husband's condition instead of the nurse who she was shouting at. “I’m the doctor who initially treated your husband in ER before he was admitted into surgery. May I speak with you about your husband's condition?” Katherine looked into the eyes of the doctor, sensing the need to be quiet and listen for a moment. Everything inside made her feel like an erupting volcano, but she realized that would not help Andrew or the medical staff working to save his life. “What is my husband’s condition doctor? Will he live?" “Please come with me Mrs. Schaeffer. After I brief you on your husband’s condition, I will take you to the waiting area outside of surgery.” Dr. Matthews led Katherine into a small room next to the chapel and began to explain the extent of the injuries Andrew sustained. As she stood silently listening, it was as if Dr. Matthews was speaking a foreign language. She heard certain words but most of what was said, sounded like gibberish. “Your husband has suffered a serious head trauma and it was necessary to relieve the cranial pressure to his brain. In addition he has a punctured right lung, several broken ribs, a cracked vertebrae to his spine, both legs were badly broken and his left leg may require amputation due to the loss of blood flow. An emergency splenectomy was necessary due to the laceration and damage to his spleen. We are doing everything possible at this time to save your husband’s life. I realize hearing all this is unsettling and I’m not trying to cause you any unnecessary stress but until he is out of surgery, I cannot give you a prognosis on his condition. What I will tell you is that if he survives surgery, his recovery will be a long and difficult one. He will need your love, support, encouragement and strength. Do you have any questions for me Mrs. Schaeffer?” There was finally a pause that somehow gave Katherine some momentary relief, but then everything the doctor said began stirring the anxiety within her again. “Is my husband going to live Dr. Matthews?” “As I have indicated Mrs. Schaeffer, until he comes out of surgery, I just cannot say at this time. If you would like, I could have someone here at the hospital offer you some counseling. We also have clergy staff along with volunteers who are willing to pray for patients and family members.” Katherine almost broke into a hysterical laughter at the thought of someone praying for Andrew. Andrew’s father was a retired pastor. He always thought Andrew would join him in ministry, but something disillusioned Andrew years ago, and he would never discuss the reasons with anyone; not his father, mother or sister knew what changed in his life. There were instances when Katherine thought he would share the reasons with her, but Andrew would never speak about his life as a Christian. No matter who invited Andrew to church service, he would dismiss the thought with distain. She decided to call his parents, she needed them now. They had always been supportive of her since her parents died so many years ago. “Doctor, I need to call Andrew’s parents.” “One of the officers got their contact information and they are on the way to the hospital now.” As he spoke, an incoming text arrived on his cell. He read the message and then looked at Katherine. “Your husband's parents have arrived here. Would you like me to bring them here?” Katherine, felt what seemed like millions of emotions pouring out of her. She bolted from the room, running to the man and woman standing in the corridor. When Andrew’s mother turned and saw Katherine, her arms instinctively spread open to embrace her. Katherine seemed to fling herself into the arms of her mother-in-law. “Katherine, the policemen gave us the news, have you learned anything about Andrew’s condition?” “All I know is that he is in surgery and his injuries were extensive.” Dr. Schaeffer placed his arms around Katherine and his wife. His voice was soft and reassuring as he spoke to them. “Let’s find a quiet place to sit, talk and pray. We’ll stay here and wait until we get some information on his condition.” He led them through the doors of the chapel. Katherine felt uneasiness as she entered realizing how long it had been since she even thought about church. "I'm so afraid Dr. Schaeffer. What will I do if Andrew..." She looked into his brown eyes, knowing she could not allow herself to even say the word. Somehow, his eyes revealed that he understood her doubts and fears. "My child, we have nothing to fear. I trust God with my son's life. I believe he will live and not die!" His words were filled with the confident years of a life characterized by faith. Katherine found a measure of hope and peace in his eyes. As they sat down, Andrew's mother held Katherine's hand while Dr. Schaeffer began to pray. "Almighty God and Father, we your servants call upon You in the name of Jesus Christ our Eternal Redeemer..." Short story by MTJ

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

A Good Life (Part 2)

Note: As a Christian, I have often found that life does not always follow a sequence which my mind has mapped out for me. Unexpected things occur which can potentially change my flow and direction. How I respond to these events and circumstances will determine and demonstrate my resolve to genuinely trust the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and spirit. This fictional short story about a couple, Katherine and Andrew attempts to convey the message that even under the most difficult of circumstances, God loves and cares about me. I hope you like Part 2.

Katherine rushed down the stairs to open the front door. She looked in the mirror at her hair and makeup, silently approving her view. Upon opening the door, her cheerful smile changed into momentary confusion; then she realized why the men in uniform were there. “I’m very sorry. I probably set off the security alarm again by mistake. Everything here is fine, I’m sure you men have more important things to do than check on a false alarm.” The older policemen smiled uncomfortably and spoke. “We’re with the police department. Are you Katherine Schaeffer?” “Yes I am but…” The officer interrupted Katherine… “Your husband is Andrew Schaeffer?” “Yes, he is but…” “I’m sorry to inform you Mrs. Schaeffer, but your husband was involved in an accident…” “What did you say, an accident? When? Where? How did it happen? Is Andrew alright?” With each word, Katherine became more and more anxious. Panic began to take hold of her thoughts and words. “Where is my husband? I need to leave, he needs me!” The younger policeman attempted to calm Katherine. “We can drive you to the hospital Mrs. Schaeffer…” “Yes, take me to my husband now!” Katherine sat in the back of the police car, so many thoughts streamed through her mind. What would she do without Andrew? Should she call his parents? What about his sister Maggie? She was unable to decide. She looked out the window, but was unable to recognize anything familiar. She noticed the gray color of the car seat and thought about the kind of people who typically rode in the back of a police car. The kind of people she had no similarities with. The police car parked in front of St. Anne’s Emergency Room entrance. Katherine attempted to open the car door but was unable. She screamed… “Why won’t this door open?” The younger officer exited the squad car and opened the rear door. He was about to explain the reason the door wouldn’t open, but Katherine walked past him as though he didn’t even exist. The older officer smiled and said… “Don’t take it personally son; we’re invisible to most people except the ones who break the law!” Katherine walked through the hospital doors, heading to the admittance desk. The nurse behind the desk smiled and asked. “How may I help you?” “I’m here to see my husband. He was in an accident.” The nurse could hear the concern in Katherine’s shaky voice and spoke calmly. “What is your husband’s name?” “Schaeffer, Andrew Schaeffer.” The nurse began scanning names of those admitted. Samuel, Sanders, Saxon, Schaeffer. She looked for a status on Andrew Schaeffer and looked up to Katherine. “Your husband is in surgery. Would you like to speak with the admitting physician?” “Where is surgery? I want to go there and wait for my husband!” “You’re not allowed into surgery Mrs. Schaeffer. Perhaps you should speak with one of the doctors.” The nurse picked up the telephone and spoke softly into it. She then hung up the phone and turned to Katherine. “Dr. Matthews will be here shortly to speak with you. You may have a seat if you like.” Frantic, Katherine cold not hold back the tears and emotions erupting inside. “I don’t need to have a seat! I want to be with my husband!” Short story by MTJ

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

A Good Life

Note: I wanted to write a short story and had an idea, but instead, my writing took a completely different storyline. Perhaps instead of what I wanted to write, this is what my heart needed to write. This short story is evolving, even as I write this note to you. It will be written in parts simply because I anticipate that it has some length. It is unedited and that's pretty much how I write. Thoughts and words seem to flow from my right brain, enabling me to recognize that I have something to say. I hope you like Part 1.

Andrew and Katherine lived a good life. Their home was on a wooded lot near a beautiful creek. Katherine loved walking by the creek with Andrew holding her hand. She loved the summer nights best. Andrew had a good job which paid well, allowing them to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Often Andrew would barbeque on the deck and Katherine would be the good hostess to old friends from college. One night as they sat on the deck under a moonlit sky, Andrew leaned back and said, “We have a good life honey!” Katherine smiled, nodding in agreement. She thought to herself, It is a good life! The next day, having overslept, Andrew rushed to shower, shave, dress and drive to work. There was an important meeting he was invited to attend. More like required to attend, he thought. Day after day, he drove this same uneventful route to work. There was seldom any traffic until he turned on Bloomingdale Boulevard. On this particular morning, he forgot to look before turning. He didn’t consider this memory lapse important because he was in a hurry and he’d driven this same route many times before. As he turned the car to the right, he heard a horn blaring. It was the sound of a huge eighteen wheeler proceeding through the intersection. As he looked over his left shoulder, he could see the grill of the truck, and then the loud sound of metal hitting metal. He thought to himself, What a strange sound… The impact of the truck was beyond resistance as its wheels rolled over the top of the car’s roof. Still conscious, Andrew could now hear the sound of breaking bones. Although the driver of the truck attempted to break, it was to no avail. As the truck roll over the car and stopped, bystanders began capturing the wreckage on their cell phones. Someone called 911. Within minutes, the police, paramedics and fire department arrived. They would need to pry the car open to remove Andrew from the crumpled mess of metal and flesh. Firemen began cutting through the cars' frame while paramedics attempted to look for vital signs from Andrew. “I’ve got a pulse, but it’s very faint!” exclaimed one paramedic. “We’ve got to remove him from this car!” shouted another paramedic to the firemen. Finally, the firemen cut enough of the metal away to pull Andrew from the wreckage. He was a collection of blood and broken bones, but he was still alive. A policeman asked one of the paramedics to check for a wallet. Reaching inside Andrew's bloodied coat pocket, he retrieved a wallet and cell. The policeman wrote down his name and address: Andrew Schaeffer, 1502 Mulberry Lane He next checked the address book in his cell for any surnames matching Schaeffer. Finally, he found the name, Katherine Schaeffer, 806-297-4651 Just as the officer was about to call, his partner tapped him on the shoulder and suggested, “Sir, don’t you think it best if we drive over to talk with Ms. Schaeffer?” “You’re probably right son.” It was a short drive to Mulberry Lane and yet there was nothing but silence between these two policemen. As they walked to the front door of 1502, the older policeman checked the name and address one last time before ringing the bell. From the other side of the door, he could hear a woman’s voice politely reply, “Coming….” Short story by MTJ

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).

Love and Submission

“I’ll love you if you submit!”

“I’ll submit if you love me!”

How does either position honor God?

True authority proceeds from the throne of God: Moses was a man who himself acknowledged his flaws, and yet, God chose an imperfect man to lead Israel from Egypt to Canaan. God delegated His authority to Moses. There were also instances when this authority was challenged. When Miriam and Aaron took issue with Moses by using his Cushite wife as justification for their actions:

“While they were at Hazeroth, Miriam and Aaron criticized Moses because he had married a Cushite woman. They said, ‘Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t he spoken through us, too?’ But the Lord heard them.”¹

No man should ever think that being the head in the marriage relationship is about hierarchal authority or privilege. No wife should ever think that being subject to her husband is about lower rank and limited rights. In both instances, it has to do with the willingness of each (husband and wife) to submit and obey God. Just as I question God about my wife being subject to me, I too am questioned whether I’m obeying the command to love her. Just as I question my husband’s love for me, I too am questioned whether I’m obeying the command to be subject to him.

“Korah son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and certain Reubenites—Dathan and Abiram, sons of Eliab, and On son of Peleth—became insolent and rose up against Moses. With them were 250 Israelite men, well-known community leaders who had been appointed members of the council. They came as a group to oppose Moses and Aaron and said to them, ‘You have gone too far! The whole community is holy, every one of them, and the LORD is with them. Why then do you set yourselves above the LORD’s assembly?’”²

It may seem so easy for a wife to believe, "I can do this better than Him", or "I can do this without him". But what you’re actually saying is that, “I can do this better than God.” Is God unaware of the flaws in your husband’s life? Perhaps God has succumbed to Alzheimer’s; forgetting how prone your husband is to being wrong.

The authority a husband has is not one that can be siezed by any man, it is given by God. No man of God who loves his wife imposes authority over her; he recognizes the authority he has is delegated from God. No woman of God who subjects herself to her husband does so under the duress of human authority; she recognizes the authority of her husband is delegated from God.

Until Death: A question I’ve pondered goes back to the garden; it was there where sin came into the world and consequently death to all from one man’s sin (Romans 5:12). The moment Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, she died. Some might even argue that Eve died the moment she decided to eat (James 1:15). What we must understand is that Eve believed a lie and disobeyed God’s command because she was deceived. Adam however, was not deceived (1 Timothy 2:14), he understood the consequences of disobedience, but he chose death rather than obey God.

The question I've asked myself is:
Did Adam choose to die with Eve because he loved her to the extent that he freely chose to give up his life?

In Adam, I see a type of Christ that represents fallen man. Adam chose death through disobedience with the resulting consequence being all have sinned, and therefore all die (Romans 5:12). Christ chose death through obedience with the result producing salvation to all, and therefore all who believe are alive in Christ (Galatians 2:20).
Let’s examine the wife as a type of church to her husband:

1. Church equips the saints/wife prepares her husband (Ephesians 4:6, 11-12)
2. Church performs the work of ministry/wife ministers to her husband (Ephesians 4:6, 11-12; Colossians 3:23)
3. Church edifies the body of Christ/wife builds her husband (Romans 15:20-21; Matthew 16:18)

To what end?

That the true purpose of a husband and wife might be revealed to a world shaped and imprisoned by sin and deception. God wants those around you to see what true love is, how that love operates, and who that love accurately reflects.

What does Wives, be subject to your own husband mean?

The dictionary defines it as, one that is placed under authority. The Greek word Paul uses is, hypotassō (hü-po-tä's-sō), which means, to arrange under, to subordinate, to subject, put in subjection, to subject one's self, obey, to submit to one's control, to yield to one's admonition or advice, to obey, or be subject. This word was a Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.

A wife cannot be made to “be subject to her own husband”; that would violate the scripture. Her decision must be “voluntarily made”, as she seeks to please God. A husband cannot be made to “love his wife”; that too, would violate scripture. His decision must also be “voluntarily made”, as he seeks to please God.

Why must being subject to Christ be a good thing while being subject to my husband be a bad thing?

Living this command out in a woman’s life requires faith; the same faith necessary for a woman to be subject to Christ in her life. When a wife is obeying Christ, she is obeying her husband as well. I see that this is more of a partnership in marriage because it takes the faith of both husband and wife, representing Christ and the church to navigate the waters of marriage.

Heavenly Father,

You have given us the example of Christ and the church to ensure that both husbands and wives share a loving relationship with one another. Sin corrupts our view and understanding of Your truth; it is only through the power of the gospel that we are transformed into the image of Your Son. We seek to be willing participants in the heavenly calling; to be a living testament of the covenant established by Jesus Christ on the cross when He died for the sins of the world. We have been made alive by Your Holy Spirit and the life we now live is a life of love and submission.

I ask You Lord to bring about healing in the lives of husbands and wives who find themselves struggling in a marriage that is lifeless, and without purpose; a marriage lacking direction. Give them a vision of Christ and the church; a relationship born of love. May they see with clarity of mind, and a willing heart that You empower them to obey the scriptures. May they experience the grace that You freely shower upon them; enabling them to love one another as Christ loves the church. Give them a renewed passion for one another, fulfilling and enriching one another.

Thank You for those husbands and wives who walk before us as living testimonies of what it means to be one. Unified in spirit, mind and body. Thank You for singles who live a life of celibacy and commitment to Christ; choosing friendship with Christ over friendship with this world. All of us, whether married or single are commaned to submit ourselves to one another. May we discover true love through submission. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. Numbers 12:1-3, NLTB
2. Numbers 16:1-3, NIV

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
4. The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
5. King James Version, The Crusade Analytical Study Edition, Crusade Bible Publishers, Inc., PO Box 90011, Nashville, Tennessee 37209
6. The Message Bible, by Eugene H. Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group, Colorado Springs, CO, ISBN-13: 978-1600060250
7. New King James Version, by Nelson Bibles, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., PO Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee, ISBN-13: 978-0840713704
8. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
9. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
10. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

Wives, Be Subject to Your Own Husbands (Part 2)

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”¹

The myth about women is that they're passive, docile beings, when in fact women are doers; women do. They get things done. As wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend, women are involved in the doing of all aspects of life. Here Paul gives wives something to do: submit to your husband as you submit to the Lord. The same attitude of submission you have toward Christ is the attitude you must have toward your husband. To honor and obey Christ will be demonstrated in a wife's ability to honor her husband in her commitment to submit. Paul doesn’t initiate this instruction to the wives first. Instead, he instructs both husband and wife to submit to one another as they submit their lives to God (Ephesians 5:21). Submission is a cooperative act by both husband and wife.

Because of sin, the world views submission as something distasteful, subservient, and humiliating rather than the honor God bestows on us to obey. We profess our love for the God whom we've never seen, yet fail to love and submit to those we see daily. We declare our submission to Christ, yet we fail to submit to our spouse. A wife who seeks her husband to represent Christ in the marriage will submit to him, the husband who seeks his wife to represent the church will love and submit to her. To do otherwise would dishonor Christ and the church He established. Submitting to her husband requires a wife to be a doer. While some may find it demeaning to agree with this passage of scripture, it is there for a reason; I believe all scripture is profitable (2 Timothy 3:16), and therefore it establishes genuine biblical doctrine, corrects error, and instructs one in living right before God.

A wife may ask of God, “What will I get in return for submitting to my husband?” The answer is supplied by her husband's love and submission abundantly directed to her.

As a Christian, I am a walking, breathing, living representation of Christ on earth; when people see me, they should see a reflection of Jesus Christ. Through my life, others should see what is meant by the words, joy of Your salvation (Psalm 51:12), and in Him we live and move and exist (Acts 17:28). When they do see it, my life accurately, actively and purposely demonstrates who Jesus Christ is.

We proclaim that we’re followers of Christ, but then as we begin to live out the Christian experience, we pick and choose what we will and what we won’t obey; as though it will have no consequences. I am finally learning what it means to love my wife as Christ loves the church. Many of the wives who left comments shared the need to be loved for who they are; flawed women in need of love, forgiveness and grace. Some men are unwilling to love a woman in this unconditional way. He wants her to be something else; he wants her to lose her identity and be conformed into an idolatrous image of something he has conjured up to worship.

I was watching a movie recently and there was a scene about human sacrifice to appease the gods, and it occurred to me that no person with a sound mind would willingly give their life up for a thing; they must be deceived, coerced, or forced.

A wife isn’t a thing to be offered up in worship of her husband's idolatrous beliefs; she is a woman to be totally and unconditionally loved by her husband.

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Many husbands will say, “My wife isn’t obeying scripture”, but what he really means is that she’s not obeying me. At the same time, my wife sees the reflection of my life and the image is not one of Christ.

No wife with a sound mind would willingly give her life up for a thing; she must be deceived, coerced, or forced by her husband.

Ask any ten Christian women, what it means to be subject to Christ and you’ll no doubt receive a reply regarding the unquestioned authority of God, faith, and submission that is consistently identical to the other nine answers. Ask those same ten women, what it means to be subject to your own husband and you likely get ten different answers. Just as many husbands have a problem loving their wife; many wives have a problem being subject to their own husband. They will say how flawed their husband may be, how unspiritual he is, and that’s why the marriage is bad.

If he were more like Christ, then I would gladly be subject to him.

The skeptic always asks, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

I will conclude this topic next week.

Heavenly Father,

You created us in Your image and likeness, but sin distorted our ability to truly reflect You. Now through the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we have been given the gift of redemption and salvation. We have new life, that proclaims, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Your word commands us to submit to one another as we would submit our lives to You. You command husbands to love their wife, and that wives submit to their husbands. Correct the confusion we have over Your word. Teach us to obey, to love, and to submit.

I pray Lord, that You heal fractured marriages. I pray for those wives who feel hopelessly trapped, and unloved by their husband. I pray for husbands who feel utterly confused about how to love their wife. Set things right dear Lord. Let their be fertile ground in that marrige, that will produce fruit in abundance. May they discover truth and purpose together. In the name that covenants all who believe, sealed by His shed blood, the name that is above every name, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. Ephesians 5:21-22, KJV

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
4. The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
5. King James Version, The Crusade Analytical Study Edition, Crusade Bible Publishers, Inc., PO Box 90011, Nashville, Tennessee 37209
6. The Message Bible, by Eugene H. Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group, Colorado Springs, CO, ISBN-13: 978-1600060250
7. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
8. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
9. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

Wives, Be Subject to Your Own Husbands

As I’ve said, a woman has a tremendous capacity to love, and yet, she has an even greater need to be loved; God made her this way. A woman has the unique ability to help her husband; it is a gift from God. This gift can be changed to one of enabling. A woman uses her gift of helps by inappropriately directing it in the area of enabling. She enables her husband, her children, a parent, friend, or anyone who she sees in need of help. As she assumes the role of enabler, she quickly discovers that her help isn’t appreciated, and she invests more of herself in the effort to enable; believing the outcome will change, but it doesn’t.

What is it she really expects to occur?

She wants to affect a change that conforms to what she sees you need to be.

The purpose of a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. The purpose of a wife is to help her husband. In creation, God established a pattern for all life, male and female, however the scripture says, “…but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:20) In other words, Adam didn’t have compatibility with any other created being. Compatibility in life is necessary. Vehicles need the correct type of fuel or there will be compatibility issues. Meals need the proper ingredients or there will be compatibility issues. Your climate will dictate the type of clothing you wear or there will be compatibility issues. Computers must run compatible software and hardware. A husband must have a compatible wife. She must be his helper, not his enabler.

The New Testament church encountered a problem because the Jews were ignoring the needs of the Greeks; they weren’t providing the necessary help to those in need. When this problem was identified, it was quickly addressed and resolved (Acts 6:1-6).

There are three reasons why a husband needs his wife to be subject to him. A husband needs a wife who’ll submit because:

1. A husband needs to be honored
2. A husband needs to be wanted
3. A husband needs to be appreciated

A husband needs to be honored:

What is honor?

When the bible speaks of honor, the Hebrew word kabod, (kaw-bode’) means weight; but this is only figuratively. In a good sense, it means, splendor or copiousness:--glorious (-ly), glory, honour (-able). The Greek word timao, (tim-ah’-o) means to prize, i.e. fix a valuation upon; by implication, it means to revere:--honor, value. Honor comes in the form of affirmation and encouragement. A husband needs to know how his wife sees him. His view of himself has and will continue to be influenced by a woman. It begins in childhood with his mother (or nurturing caregiver), but eventually must transition to his wife (Genesis 2:24). As a young boy, I can remember experiences when I sought the affirmation of my mother that I she was pleased with what I accomplished. I also know that when young men aren’t encouraged, they can find themselves engaged in rebellious and destructive behavior. A man wants to know his wife is proud of him. From royalty, presidency, CEO, ditch digger, miner, migrant worker, sewer employee, or layoff casualty, a husband wants to know his wife is proud of him. He wants that affirmation from you his wife. When he doesn’t get it, he’ll accept it from other sources, be it alcohol, drugs, gambling, strip clubs, or other women. His need has become perverted, but it is nonetheless a need he has. A husband needs to be honored in the eyes of his wife.

A husband needs to be wanted:

What does it mean to want?

The Greek word husterema (hoos-ter’-ay-mah) means, a deficit; specifically poverty:--that which is behind, (that which was) lack (-ing), penury, want.

This need to be wanted transcends the physical and propels a husband and wife into the realm of the spirit and soul as well. It is a want that can only be satisfied by a wife's need for her husband. She needs him connected spiritually, she needs him connected intellectually, she needs him connected emotionally, and she needs him connected physically. A wife who understands her needs for her husband in these areas of her life will communicate them to her husband. Her husband translates these needs she expresses by understanding that he is wanted by his wife.

How does your husband respond when you communicate to him that you want him?

Do your words and actions ignite him with desire for you?

Here is an excerpt from Song of Solomon:

She:
“While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi.”

He:
“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.”

It is here that we see the Shulammite expresses to Solomon that she wants him. Her intent is clear because Solomon gets her message; he understands what she communicates to him. "She wants me!" The phrase, “my beloved is”, is descriptive of how the Shulammite not only views Solomon (comparatively speaking), but the attitude behind her view; she wants him. A husband needs to be wanted by his wife.

A husband needs to be appreciated:

What does it mean to appreciate?

To appreciate is, to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of, to value or admire highly, to judge with heightened perception or understanding:--to be fully aware of, to recognize with gratitude, to increase the value of.

This does not imply the act of puffing up someone with false praise, or manipulating a husband to believe you see him in a way that is untrue. No, your appreciation of your husband is genuine, honest, and sincere. If you don’t have reasons to appreciate your husband, he will ultimately find that need met elsewhere.

These three needs of your husband form a building block that enables him to understand how you view him. How you view your husband is directly tied to your willingness to be subject to him.

A wife must possess these characteristics in order to be compatible with her husband, so that she will be his help. A wife cannot help her husband by enabling him solely for the purpose of changing him into the image of something she has in mind. Just as some husbands objectify their wives, some wives also objectify their husbands. We desire our wife or our husband to conform to an image in our mind of what they ought to be. A wife who is submitted to Christ understands that she may plant, she may water, but it is God who gives the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6). She must allow God to create in her husband a clean heart (Psalm 51:10). Just as the husband is a type of Christ in the marriage, the wife is a type of church in the marriage.

Wives are a type of church in the marriage because she ministers to the spirit, soul and body of her husband. Most Christian women and men have heard or read the description of an excellent wife (Proverbs 31:10-31). Of all the words used to describe her, the one that stands out is that her life is one of subjection; subjection to God, to her husband, and her family. This requires humility in a woman because subjection does not come naturally for husband or wife.

Father God,

You've given women such a tremdous capacity to love, it is resident in a wife, and fully expressed in her act of subjection to her husband. You reveal that the wife is a type of church, and in that role, she ministers to the spirit, soul, and body of her husband. She is subject to her husband, just as he is in turn subject to her. I'm praying Father God for those husbands and wives struggling to understand the purpose of marriage. You declare that Your people perish from a lack of knowledge. Open our eyes Lord, that we may see with a clarity of sight, mind, and commitment. I give You thanks for husbands and wives who represent Christ and His church to a world crying for truth and redemption. Bless those singles who live their lives in submission to Christ, choosing celibacy over sin. Thank You Lord for the blessings You lavish upon us, for Your love, grace and forgiveness. You are so good, righteous, and holy. We worship and adore You Lord. Thank You for Your righteous deliverance. In the precious name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. Genesis 2:20, NASB
2. Acts 6:1-6, NASB
3. Genesis 2:24, NASB
4. Song of Solomon 1:12-15, NIV
5. 1 Corinthians 3:6, NASB
6. Psalm 51:10, NASB
7. Proverb 31:10-31, NASB

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
4. The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
5. King James Version, The Crusade Analytical Study Edition, Crusade Bible Publishers, Inc., PO Box 90011, Nashville, Tennessee 37209
6. The Message Bible, by Eugene H. Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group, Colorado Springs, CO, ISBN-13: 978-1600060250
7. New King James Version, by Nelson Bibles, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., PO Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee, ISBN-13: 978-0840713704
8. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
9. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
10. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

Husbands, Love Your Wives (Part 2)

“…I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.”¹

A husband cannot give his wife security if his focus is not on pleasing the Father in his life. A husband must be a type of Christ to his wife:

1. Christ is our Intercessor/husband is wife's Peacemaker
2. Christ is our Advocate/husband is wife's Supporter
3. Christ is our Substitution/husband is wife's Cover
4. Christ is our Resurrection/husband is wife's Renewal

These four undertakings all maintain balance in the spirit, soul, and body of a wife. When a wife is secure, she is free to trust her husband in all things; she knows by the life he lives that he is pleasing the Father and consequently loving her. A husband intent on pleasing the Father surrounds his wife with a life that is spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically balanced and secure. She freely releases her trust to a husband that is the head of her life; she understands the futility of trying to exist without him. Just as we cannot breathe without air, a wife cannot function in a marriage without being secure.

A wife needs to be valued:

What is value?

To acknowledge that someone has worth, importance, and significance. To be valued is to be prized above all else, it is cherishing someone for who they are. To value one’s wife is to treasure the life she lives.

The bible reveals that we were redeemed, purchased, or bought through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. Salvation did not come cheaply; while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8, NASB). Ask any woman how she feels about Jesus Christ and you will be hard pressed to find one who disparages His name. What would any woman do with a true understanding of Jesus Christ? A woman who has a relationship with Christ will freely acknowledge her love and desire to please the Lord. This is because she knows Christ died for her. That’s being valued! That woman understands the depth of value Christ has placed on her life. A wife needs to know that in her husband’s eyes, she is a precious and priceless gift from God. A wife must be valued to the extent that her husband has freely chosen to lay down his life for her. His life of selfish personal agendas has been nailed on the cross and crucified for her.

Something which has left me with a lingering question is what was Adam's mindset in the garden? Adam fully understood God's command not to eat from the tree (Genesis 2:16, NASB), and yet he was faced with a dilemma. Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and in that moment, she died. She gave the fruit to Adam (Genesis 3:6, NASB), and he chose to eat; Adam was not deceived (1 Timothy 2:14, NASB) Adam chose disobedience and death (Romans 5:12, NASB) with Eve rather than life without her. It's an ironic perversion of the sacrificial death, because Adam's decision to die was a death that leads to death. The sacrificial death of Christ is a death that leads to life. Two men (Adam and Christ) both chose to die, and yet only one death accomplished its purpose: to usher in new life for the bride. Now we see that husbands are called to die a sacrificial death that leads to life for his bride.

What would any wife be willing to do for a husband like that?

That wife would freely acknowledge her love and desire to please her husband. This is because his life demonstrates that he has chosen to die for her; to freely give up his old life for the precious gift she is. When a husband gives up his life for his wife, he places a value on her that is priceless. When a wife is valued beyond cost, she willingly commits herself to be the subject of her husband; she wants to be his!

So many women are robbed of their worth. Why do so many men become participants in this act of sabotage? How can there be any encouragement when a woman is debased, humiliated, or regarded as worthless? For a wife to truly fulfill her purpose, a husband must value her.

A wife needs to be respected:

What is respect?

Respect is the act of giving appreciation, fondness, preference, honor, interest, and delight in someone. Respect exhibits joy, passion, enthusiasm, and affection. The bible says that Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well everything she ever did (John 4:29, NASB). He was specifically interested in her life to the extent that He knew all aspects of her life; who she was, what was her purpose, and why she came to Him. A husband must have that kind of interest in his wife; he must be intimately acquainted with all aspects of her life. A wife wants her husband to know:

1. Who she is (she wants her husband to simply “Get her”)
2. What her God-given purpose is (she wants her husband to support her purpose)
3. Why she uniquely chose him (she wants her husband to appreciate her)

A husband’s love will be demonstrated through his respect for his wife. It is here that he reaches the depth of her spirit, soul and body; she has become bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. They are one.

What does a wife mean when she says (about her husband), "He gets me."

A husband must understand his wife; this understanding comes through respect. If you’re having problems in your relationship with your wife, you haven’t mastered the discipline of respect. Are you committed to experiencing joy, passion, enthusiasm, and affection for the woman you married? Have you walked through those valleys of life recognizing she is your helper? Have you gained an appreciation, fondness, and preference for your wife? Do you honor her with interest and delight? In order to love your wife as Christ loves the church, you must give her the respect she needs.

Heavenly Father,

You've demnonstrated for us what love is. The bible declares "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us". You lavish us with Your love O Lord. It wasn't enough to command husbands to love their wife, You gave us the example of Your beloved Son, Jesus Christ who declared, "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you....", so let us live our lives as clean, holy, husbands and wives, as singles, as parents, as children, as relatives and as friends. Today Father, let us choose, not as Adam, but as Christ, and sons adopted by You. Let us choose to glorify You in our life. May You be pleased by all that I think, say, and do. Please encourage those husbands and wives struggling to understand their true purpose in marriage. Give them clarity of sight and a heart committed to love. In the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnote:

1. John 8:29, NASB

References:

1. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
2. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
3. The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
4. King James Version, The Crusade Analytical Study Edition, Crusade Bible Publishers, Inc., PO Box 90011, Nashville, Tennessee 37209
5. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
6. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
7. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

Husbands, Love Your Wives

Note: I want to say thanks to those who contributed by commenting on this topic; many of you have given me perspectives I needed. I rejoice in the knowledge that God has blessed so many husbands and wives with a love that spans time. Your testimony offers encouragement and hope to those who are struggling in their marriage. The encouragement to humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God and the hope that love never dies clearly resonate with me.

A wife needs to be loved.

It’s no coincidence that God framed marriage using the relationship of Christ and the church as the pattern. God requires a husband and wife to emulate this relationship. When this occurs, the beauty of God’s plan of salvation is revealed to a world needing clarity. Husbands must represent Christ. Wives must represent the church. Anything less would be spiritually inconsistent.

There are three reasons why a wife needs to be loved:

1. A wife needs to be secure.
2. A wife needs to be valued.
3. A wife needs to be respected.

A wife needs to be secure:

What is security?

When the bible references the word security¹, it reveals the biblical doctrine that maintains the continuation of salvation for those who are saved. The doctrine of security is based upon twelve undertakings of God for His people, four related to the Father, four to the Son, and four to the Holy Spirit.

1. The Father’s Undertakings.
1. The efficacy of the perpetual prayer of the Son upon the Father (John 17:9-12, 15, 20).
2. Infinite divine power made available to save and keep (John 10:29; Romans 4:21; 8:31-39; Ephesians 1:19-21).
3. God’s infinite love (Ephesians 1:4; Romans 5:7-10).
4. God’s sovereign purpose or covenant which is unconditional (John 3:16; 5:24; 6:37).
2. The Son’s Undertakings.
1. His intercession (John 17:1-26; Romans 8:34; Hebrews 7:23-25).
2. His advocacy (Romans 8:34; Hebrews 9:24; 1 John 2:1, 2).
3. His Substitutionary death (Romans 8:1; 1 John 2:2).
4. His glorious resurrection (John 3:16; 10:28; Ephesians 2:6).
3. The Spirit’s Undertakings.
1. Regeneration or quickening into eternal life is the partaking of the divine nature and an entrance into that which cannot be removed (John 1:13; 3:3-6; Titus 3:4-6; 1 John 3:9).
2. Baptism, by which a believer is united to Christ so as to partake eternally in the new creation glory and blessing (1 Corinthians 6:17; 12:13; Galatians 3:27).
3. Sealing, by which the Holy Spirit stamps and thus secures the Christian as God’s son (Ephesians 1:13, 14; 4:30).
4. Indwelling, by which the Spirit inhabits the redeemed body forever (John 7:37-39; Romans 5:5; 8:9; 1 Corinthians 6:19; 1 John 2:27).

The Undertakings of Christ is what the Apostle Paul is describing (in Ephesians) when he writes:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”²

Ask a person who has trusted in the salvation of Jesus Christ, and invariably they will get around to speaking of their spiritual security. They trust Christ with their life. God intends wives to experience that same sense of security from their husbands.

I believe that in order for a wife to fulfill her purpose of representing the church, she needs to be free just as the church of Christ is free and unencumbered from internal conflict. In the book of Acts, the bible describes a situation which arose that created the potential to fracture the early church had it not been addressed:

“But as the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontent. The Greek-speaking believers complained about the Hebrew-speaking believers, saying that their widows were being discriminated against in the daily distribution of food.”³

When a husband puts his wife in the position where her purpose is compromised, she becomes mired in a legalistic framework of the marriage; the weight takes a heavy toll that produces discouragement. When a wife is spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically secure, she is free to be all that her husband could ever want or need. She is alive in Christ, bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh. There is an excitement of joy when a wife is free to be the yin to his yang, and the spice of his life; the wife God has called her to be. We must not confuse security with the things we possess; security is rooted in trust.

When Jesus says, “…do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.”⁴

He wants us to understand that God will provide; God is my Jehovah Jireh, the One who provides. If we examine the life of Christ, we realize that at no time did He seek to make a name for Himself. Self-importance, attention seeking, and honor were not things which Christ sought. A husband must not put himself above obedience to God.

“...have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant...”⁵

When I, by faith understand and know this, I am secure to trust God for my needs. Just as Christ is the head of the church, the husband functions as the head in the marriage. This does not mean that the husband is autonomous; he must seek to please God, not himself. Jesus said this regarding his relationship with the Father:

“…I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.”⁶

A husband cannot give his wife security if his focus is not on pleasing the Father in his life. A husband must be a type of Christ to his wife:

1. Christ is our Intercessor/husband is wife's Peacemaker
2. Christ is our Advocate/husband is wife's Supporter
3. Christ is our Substitution/husband is wife's Cover
4. Christ is our Resurrection/husband is wife's Renewal

Almighty God and Father,

I wish that I'd learned these principles years ago, but the truth is that I was too stubborn and selfish to understand them; I didn't love my wife as Christ loved the church. Although my wife has left me, I love her more now than I did all the years we were married. It has taken this experience to bring me before Your throne of grace and proclaim I love only her; for me, there will never be another suitable helper. For her, our marriage has ended; I understand and accept that now, but my love for her will never end.

I pray for men who've acted like me, ignorant of the precious gift of love; callously, and foolishly discarding the blessed joy of being one. May there be rejoicing for that husband and wife who choose love. Thank You for the many men and women who stand as towers of marriage, faith and love. Thank You for those who are single, standing as towers of celibacy, faith and love for You. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. Doctrine of Security, from Unger’s Bible Dictionary, page 990
2. Ephesians 5:25, NASB
3. Acts 6:1, NLTB
4. Matthew 6:31-32, NIV
5. Philippians 2:5-7, NIV
6. John 8:29, NASB

References:

1. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
2. The Jerusalem Bible, Edited by Alexander Jones, Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, New York, ISBN 0-385-01156-3
3. King James Version, The Crusade Analytical Study Edition, Crusade Bible Publishers, Inc., PO Box 90011, Nashville, Tennessee 37209
4. New King James Version, by Nelson Bibles, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., PO Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee, ISBN-13: 978-0840713704
5. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
6. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
7. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6
8. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago

What’s The Worst That Could Happen?

What’s the worst that could happen?

It’s a question often posed when we are faced with uncertainty. It’s similar to the expression,

What have you got to lose?

As a man, I’ve often feared the worst possible outcome of a given situation; I call it the Job Syndrome:

"What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true."¹

It’s my worst fear that what could happen has been initiated, I am no longer under the protection of God, and my situation has spiraled out of control. I wanted my wife to live up to an ideal of what I needed. I wanted to feel needed and wanted by her; I did not. I wanted her to hold my hand when we walked together; she would not. My wife wasn’t comfortable being openly affectionate towards me, and that bothered me; a lot.

But what I failed to see was what God was saying to me:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”²

God commands me to love my wife unconditionally; I didn’t. I was unwilling to give myself up for her. I know in the world of logical, intelligent thinking people, obedience to God is archaic, but that shouldn’t come as surprise because God declares that to the world His ways are foolish.

“But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.”³

What does it mean to love my wife as Christ loved the church?

I’ve come to realize that I was so focused on what my wife didn’t do that I robbed myself of the daily opportunity to truly love her for the woman she is. I was stuck in an endless loop of conditions.

I was afraid. I was afraid to love my wife

As a man, this is an uncomfortable admission, but I was afraid of not being loved enough. I wanted what I was supposed to be giving her. God has helped me see that I was guilty of being selfish. I say this because; I know I never have a problem loving me. Some may have that problem; I’m not in that group. I take no solace in the belief that many other men have fallen prey to this fear. Men can be quite hurtful to a woman. Men can say things that are hurtful. Men can do things that are hurtful, but men can only do one thing that is necessary:

Love their wife.

A wife needs to be loved.

I’ve got to believe that God created women in this way for a reason. Women have such a capacity to love, yet they have a greater need to be loved. I could talk about how Satan perverts this need in a woman, but I’d rather focus on what happens when a wife is genuinely loved by a husband committed to obeying God.

We get hung up in the terminology of the scriptures.

Just as many men get tripped up in obeying the command to love their wife, some women are skeptical of committing to God’s command that says:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”⁴

We both fear the worst if we commit.

The result is that I refuse to love my wife. I’ll love my job, or I’ll love things, but I won’t love her. I’m afraid to love her for a million reasons that are rooted in mythology:

1. She may not be the one.
2. She might reject my love.
3. She may tell her family and friends what a dope I am for loving her.
4. She may love somebody else.

But God didn’t give me options for extenuating circumstances, He didn’t provide me with conditions to love my wife; He simply commanded me to love her. I realize that I was given a tremendous honor by God to love my wife (which by the way I rejected). We men have been created by God to fulfill the need in a woman; the need to be loved.

A wife can love herself, but it is a poor substitute for the love of her husband. A wife can buy herself fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, shoes, and furs, but what is it if her husband doesn’t love her? A wife can get a pedicure, or manicure, but there's no cure for the absence of a husband's love. She can get implants, liposuction, tummy tuck, or a reduction, but there is no cosmetic surgery to give her the love of her husband. I can give her the one thing she desires, but is incapable of obtaining on her own; my love.

I can love my wife, but I’m too afraid.

What’s the worst that could happen in choosing to love my wife?

What’s the worst that could happen in choosing not to love my wife?

A wife needs to be loved.

What about you? What are the reasons you believe a wife needs to be loved? I look forward to reading responses from you.

I can think of three reasons why a wife needs to be loved, and next week, I'll begin to break down those reasons.

Almighty God and Father,

I have been ignorant of many things in this life; the greatest is why I need to obey Your word. I pray for the many husbands who are afraid to love, afraid to commit, and afraid to obey. Loving my wife should not be difficult, but we complicate the simple act of obedience. We fail to understand how neccessary it is for a wife to be loved by her husband. Open our eyes that we may see. Remove the gunk from our ears that we may hear. Melt the hardness that encases our hearts so that we may love. I want to obey You Lord. I don't want to live in fear anymore.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. Job 3:25, NLTB
2. Ephesians 5:25, NASB
3. 1 Corinthians 2:14, NASB
4. Ephesians 5:22, NASB

References:

1. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, By James B. Strong, S.T.D, LL.D., Riverside Book and Bible House, Iowa Falls, Iowa 50126
2. Unger's Bible Dictionary, By Merrill F. Unger, Moody Press, Chicago
3. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
4. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
5. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896
6. Matthew Henry's Commentary, McDonald Publishing Company, McLean, Virginia 22101, ISBN 0-917006-21-6

What Does It Take?

I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, in every way I could, to make you see how much I love you. Ooo, I thought you understood. So you gotta make me see, what does it take to win your love for me?

I’m not a big fan of cookies. Oh, I’ll eat a cookie, but it’s just not my first choice of indulgence. As a kid, I was fascinated by the various shapes of cookies. Cookie cutters allow you to create cookies in shapes that fill a child’s imagination with wonder and awe. Unfortunately, marriages and relationships don’t have a cookie cutter form that allows people to shape the marriage or relationship into what they want it to be; people aren’t just formless globs of dough.

Marriages and relationships require a choice, a commitment, and an investment of one’s life to an extent that many often find is too high a price. This reminds me of when Jesus said:

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”¹

It’s as though Jesus is drawing a line in the sand and saying the words of Joshua:

“Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."²

The success of marriage must be established upon three principals:

1. You choose to love someone.
2. You commit to love someone.
3. You invest your life in loving someone.

When that happens, the beauty of creation is revealed because we see the purpose and capacity which God equips us to love another. We are given a glimpse of the unsurpassing love of God.

God loves me unconditionally. Why can’t I love like that?

For God, choice is not difficult. Commitment is not a conflict of interest with God. Investing Himself in my life is not a high risk for God.

Choice is difficult for me because I have self interests. Commitment for me conflicts with my objectives. Investing myself in the life of another comes at a cost that for me is too risky. Selfishness is an aspect of our fallen nature; it inhibits my ability to truly and completely love another. Show me a discarded marriage or relationship, and somewhere in the rubble will be the selfish thoughts, words, and actions of a person unwilling to love. Men and women are unfaithful. They face personal problems of drugs, alcohol, or gambling. Some have issues of self-esteem. Some are materialistic, while others may be overly miserly. The underlying layer in all these elements is selfishness.

Often, the response of a spouse is to try and love a selfish spouse, but there is something missing in the marriage.

Father God,

So many men, women, and children have been hurt by divorce, fractured relationships, and marital discord. You command us to love, but we choose not to. I am amazed that You love me and the rest of humanity even though we choose to disregard Your wisdom. Oh Lord, may we humble ourselves before Your throne of mercy and cry out in repentance of sin and disobedience. Teach us to love unselfishly; to choose this day, to commit our life, and to invest ourselves into the life of Christ, our spouse, and others. May we find grace to open our hearts to give. You gave the greatest gift I could ever receive; the life of Your Son. I give my life. I pray for spouses, children, siblings, relatives and friends, that they find the truth that, "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." I pray Your blessings upon marriages and relationships. Heal the damage in our lives Lord. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. John 6:51, NIV
2. Joshua 24:14-15, NIV

References:

1. What Does It Take, Lyrics by Johnny Bristol, Harvey Fuqua, Vernon Bullock, from the album Home Cookin', released April 25, 1969, Sung by Jr. Walker and The All Stars
2. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
3. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA

Let It Be

And when the broken hearted people Living in the world agree, There will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is Still a chance that they will see There will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be.....

Lyrics written by
John Lennon and Paul McCartney

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus"¹

I have no idea how many husbands and wives are struggling today with the thought that they can no longer remain with their spouse. As someone whose marriage ended, I want to appeal to you before you make that decision.

Don’t do it!

Certainly it will not affect your salvation; only faith in Christ can save one from sin and condemnation. But what impact will it ultimately have on you as a follower of Christ? Again, I am not speaking to anyone who has already committed to ending their marriage, many of whom have re-married; I appeal to those struggling in their marriage.

Last week we celebrated Mother’s Day (and rightly so), for the many women who have given birth; nurturing their children into adulthood. Women do this from a place of love that no man can ever fully understand, but men are not without the ability to understand love. Love is something we all are capable of giving birth to, and yet in a marriage, many find it easier to abort love; rather than nurture love.

Why is that?

A wife will never love her husband in the manner she loves her child, and a husband will never love a wife in the way he loves his mother, but each is capable of giving birth to love one another.

Why does a marriage end in failure?

If I were to ask a hundred couples I’m certain I would hear more than two hundred reasons, but I believe most of us are simply dissatisfied with the person we chose to love. The thing is, I’m not dissatisfied with me, only my spouse. Words like,

1. My spouse is the reason why the marriage failed,
2. My spouse didn’t,
3. My spouse wouldn’t, and
4. My spouse could not

are too often used to blame one's spouse for my own dissatisfaction and inconsistencies.

I hold on to these thoughts and I value them above the life of my spouse. I give birth to these thoughts and as I nurture and protect them, my spouse becomes more and more insignificant to me. It’s unfortunate that I will never put forth that kind of value, passion and desire for my spouse. I chose to abort my spouse, and I’m left with my thoughts which I can exalt and offer to God the thing which I’ve come to value above the life and love He birthed in me.

I’ve come to realize that marriage isn’t a battleground, although it often becomes a battle of wills. Marriage isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, although there will be times when both a husband and wife are wrong. No, marriage is about forgiving and loving someone in spite of the fact that they aren’t perfect.

A woman may not be a ravishing beauty, but as her husband you see such beauty in her life. A husband may be as stubborn as a mule, but as his wife, you see a man determined to get you; to accept you for the woman you are.

I’ve come to realize that I don’t want God seeing me as a flawed person that isn’t worth loving. I want God to love me in spite of my flaws.
But that doesn’t mean I want to remain flawed.

I may never reach the place where a flaw in the man I am, is perfected, but I still want to be loved by God.

I want that, but I’m unwilling to give that.

Your wife will never be everything you want her to be, but will you love her for who she is? Can you accept her for the flawed woman she is and will continue to be in this life? Or will you nurture the things, those condemning thoughts you gave birth to?

The bible says,
“… I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”²

I wonder what happens when someone aborts the love of a spouse. Is there sadness in the presence of the angels of God when a husband leaves his wife? What do the angels do when love is aborted?

Paul wrote in Philippians:
“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus”³

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus”⁴

“Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]”⁵

“Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.”⁶

Are you capable of having the mind of Christ in your relationship with your spouse?

You don’t know my spouse MTJ! She doesn’t respect me! I don’t even think she knows how to love me.

Are you capable of loving her to the height, depth, length and breadth of God’s love for you?

I want to but she won’t let me.

Will you love her for the woman she is?

I just can’t MTJ!

What will you do then?

I’ll cling to these thoughts, replacing her life with my nurtured thoughts of her failures. I’ll value them above her life, and the love I once gave birth to. In the end, I will come to know what really matters to God.

What do you think?

I think you should let it be.

What do you mean by, “let it be?”

I think you should give birth to the mind of Christ and love your spouse.

Almighty God and Father,

We live in a world of division, anger, bitterness, resentment, and pain, but we are not of this world. We are citizens of heaven. You have demonstrated to us what love is. You didn't give us a concept, philosophy, or inkling feeling. You clearly demonstrated to us what true love is. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. I plead before Your throne of grace and mercy to bring healing to troubled marriages and relationships. Relationship problems between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, and those we once called friend. May we humble ourselves before You as Chrsit has demonstrated. May we obey Your command to love and forgive. May we obtain healing in our hearts and mind. In Jesus name. Amen.

Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte and Ginger).

Footnotes:

1. Philippians 2:5, NKJV
2. Luke 15:10, NASB
3. Philippians 2:5, NKJV
4. Philippians 2:5, NIV
5. Philippians 2:5, Amplified
6. Philippians 2:5, Message

References:

1. The Ryrie Study Bible (New American Standard Version), Edited by Charles C. Ryrie, Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois, ISBN 0-8024-8920-6
2. The Jerusalem Bible, Edited by Alexander Jones, Doubleday & Company, Inc., Garden City, New York, ISBN 0-385-01156-3
3. The Amplified Bible, by The Lockman Foundation, Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan, ISBN-13: 978-0310951414
4. The Message Bible, by Eugene H. Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group, Colorado Springs, CO, ISBN-13: 978-1600060250
5. New King James Version, by Nelson Bibles, Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., PO Box 141000, Nashville, Tennessee, ISBN-13: 978-0840713704
6. The NIV Study Bible, Edited by Kenneth Barker, Donald Burdick, John Stek, Walter Wessel and Ronald Youngblood, Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530, USA
7. The New Living Translation Bible, by Tyndale Charitable Trust, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, ISBN-13: 978-0842384896

The End of the Road

Two people at the end of the road, Courtesy of fotosearch.com

I was thinking about something I heard at a Men’s Meeting years ago; the speaker was Edwin Louis Cole. He shared that at a couples meeting when he was speaking only to the husbands, he asked the question,

"How many husbands here would say that their marriage was failing?"

Fifty percent of the men in the room raised their hands.

A while later when he was speaking to the wives, he asked the same question,

"How many wives here would say their marriage was failing?"

Seventy-five percent of the women in the room raised their hands.

Half of the husbands who thought they had a good marriage had no idea that their wife was contemplating or planning to end the marriage.

As I thought about that, I realized that I had no idea that my wife had lost all faith in me. It’s a sobering thought when you hear the words; it's time to end things between us. The reasons for our marital failure no longer matter. In her eyes, I had drifted away some time ago and now, she too had moved on. Failure and success in marriage does not hinge on one person; still, I groped for recovery. I believed we could still salvage it but this was not a shared belief. Hearing the words, you’re still the same, I don’t need ….

I found myself reading Maximized Manhood hoping to discover some principles I could recognize from Cole:

"I was standing in front of a table at the end of a meeting when an exuberant couple greeted me….the husband told me of the miracle in their lives…’If you ever want anyone to confirm what you said about God giving love, just call us,’ he said. ‘We are a miracle marriage. For years I made my wife’s life a hell on earth. Unfaithful, inconsiderate, dictatorial, selfish, all I wanted was for her to do what was necessary for me to enjoy life.’

‘Oh, I led the choir, we went to church, and everyone saw us as a fine family—but no one knew me privately. Not even she did. I was a first rate hypocrite for years.’

‘All she knew was that she had come to the end of her rope and was leaving me. That’s when I awoke to how and what I was.’"

I began to realize that in our society, marriages come and go. Couples lose compatibility; there are irreconcilable differences, or they find themselves living separate lives.

And then I read something that rung true:

"God commands us to love."

"According to God, love is not a feeling. Sometimes it doesn't even feel good. But, real love is always good.

Love centers in the will. That is why love can be commanded and why God can command love.

The American male, to a great extent today, flees from commandments. Or rebels."

As I read this, I recognized that the reasons why men and women end their marriage should not be dismissed; people get hurt, physically, emotionally and spiritually as a result of failing marriages.. It’s hard enough to deal with that kind of pain and then come face to face with some holier than thou do gooder (or self-righteous husband) hurling a scripture in your face. Just what they need added to their pain is biblical guilt.

I’ve been insensitive and ignorant to the pain I’ve caused my wife while in my mind, I loved her. I thought because she said nothing that things were fine; they weren’t. She suffered in silence.

I’m not writing this post for my wife, I’m writing it because God commands me to love her. Being married no longer matters now. Whatever she does, wherever she goes, I will love her. And though we are no longer compatible, she remains my friend. I pray that I can be the friend she has been to me.

Father God, I don’t even know where to begin except to say how sorry I am that I have failed so completely to love my wife completely. Forgive me please for lifting up pride and arrogance and paying such a tremendous price. I commit myself fully to you in the belief that I can change; not with a hidden agenda behind it. I simply want to change and be the man you want me to be.