It came quite unexpectedly to me. After all these years together, how could it be so easy to say it was over? She had been by my side through every frustrating moment, yet never offering one encouraging word of support. Not once did she console me with the words, “Don’t worry, the Lord will give you the grace needed to go on.”
No, with her it was quite the opposite:
- What are you going to do?
- How did you allow this to happen?
- Why did this have to happen now?
- Didn't I tell you this would happen?
Unfortunately, I could no longer accept her companionship. The conflict she created was overwhelming. I lost sleep, focus, and time just listening to her constant questions, second guessing, and complaining. Every time I hoped for a moment of silence and rest, she would squash those thoughts with the swift skill of a lion attacking a gazelle. She could get into my head the way no one else could. I remember lying in bed, afraid to face my tomorrow, wanting to have a moment of solitude. I prayed to God for help, knowing I was powerless on my own. As soon as my prayer ended, she chimed in with her questions. What? How? Why?...Didn't I?
I said nothing in response. I closed my eyes and I could still her voice as my mind drifted off into sleep. When I awoke the next morning, she was still talking. What was I going to do about her? Is this really a healthy relationship?
I turned to my bible and began reading 1 Peter 5:6-7, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
I read those verses again.
I was amazed when it suddenly dawned on me that she was silent!
All these years, I allowed her to permeate my thoughts. She literally sat on my shoulders like a huge weight, never allowing me any rest or peace. She questioned everything and caused me to doubt in the only one capable of helping me.
It was time to get rid of this burden, and I finally understood what to do about her.
As I sat there, I closed my eyes and said, “Thank You Lord!”
“I can’t live like this anymore. I refuse to live like this! You’re not any good for me and I see now that I’ve clung to you as desperately as you’ve clung to me, but no more!”
She said nothing as I continued to speak.
“We started out together when I was so young, but I didn’t know just how wrong you were for me. You don’t really care about me, you never did! All you’ve ever wanted was for my life to be miserable. You took great pleasure in knowing which buttons to push, how to frustrate me, aggravate me, discourage me; but I’ve had enough!”
She offered no argument, her voice remained silent.
“The word of God says, ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you’, so that’s just what I’m going to do. You and I are no longer a couple…Anxiety, I’m casting you on the Lord.”
In that moment, I felt such peace and hope for my life. I would no longer allow myself to be consumed by anxiety. I would humble myself before God as I had never done before, trusting Him to exalt me in due time. I would no longer concern myself with the why, how or what questions which anxiety always quizzed me with. I would genuinely trust God with the outcome of any circumstance I face in life. I didn’t have the answers to how, what, or when, but it no longer mattered; my life is in God’s hands. That’s what He wanted for me, and I was finally committed to giving Him my life.
The look on her face said, “Are you sure this is what you really want to do?”
I didn’t hesitate and wait for her to ask the question. My voice resonated with conviction as I spoke from the depths of my heart…
“Anxiety, I’m ending the relationship, you and I are through!”
MTJA Note of Thanks: I would just like to say Thank you, to each of you who visit My Thought-filled Journey. Taking time out of your busy schedule to read a post on this blog encourages me. Many of those who visit, will from time to time leave a comment, but it really doesn't matter whether a comment is left. What matters, is that you came here. I hope you find encouragement and inspiration in these words. Please know I will pray with you regarding any circumstance you may be facing. Feel free to write me to say "Hello", request prayer, or share what God is doing in your life. I have not said it enough, but thank you for the light of Christ in your life which illuminates the way for us all.
|Note: This post is linked to Spiritual Sundays (hosted by Charlotte).|